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Al Batt: Toilet plungers rarely are an impulse purchase

Published 10:34am Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Echoes From the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

“I can’t go outside. It’s raining.”

“You brought an umbrella. Use it.”

“That wouldn’t help. My umbrella is full of holes.”

“Then why did you bring it?”

“I didn’t think it would rain.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: never judge an automobile by the sound of its horn.

I’ve learned

Buying a toilet plunger is rarely an impulse purchase.

If you want to hear a grandmother cuss like a sailor, go to a casino.

You are never too old to learn something that is incorrect.

That time of the year

Halloween is over and daylight saving time has ended.

I fell back. I devoted the fall-back hour I’d gained over the weekend to reset the endless supply of timepieces that live with me.

It’s a bewitching time of the year. Magic tractors turn into fields.

A friend went as a big ceiling fan this Halloween. Yay, ceilings.

One Halloween, a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as “Rocky” of movie fame. He was attired in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Not long after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.

“Aren’t you the same Rocky who left my doorstep 20 minutes ago?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “but now I’m the sequel. I’ll be back four more times tonight.”

I hope that no Halloween candy comes back to haunt you.

Those thrilling days of yesteryear

We were fond of telling anyone who asked where we lived, how far we were from the nearest tarred road. I remember a fellow who told everyone that he lived one cigarette from town.

There is such a thing as time travel, it’s called a memory. When I became a teenager, I dated in cars lacking seatbelts. I made SOB (Slide Over Baby) corners. They were made sharply.

Church basements

My wife and I attended a soup and pie supper at Concordia Lutheran Church. It might be the Concordia Lutheran Church that you are familiar with or it might be a different Concordia Lutheran Church. I love soups and pies and I love church basements. It was nice to be in a church basement for something other than a meal connected to obsequies. After enjoying a delightful repast, I was greeted by an old schoolmate, Mark Sorenson of Wyoming. I hadn’t seen Mark for years and it was great seeing him again.

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