Al Batt: Stuck in a day

Published 7:46 pm Tuesday, April 23, 2024

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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

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I have a cold, my car has a blown engine, I need a new knee and I lost my job.


But I can’t complain.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. When I was a lad, there was a town called Bath, which was located down the road. Most things were down one road or another. Bath went away. It became a ghost town that left a rock saying it used to be there. It also left behind the Township sharing its name because the Township was too big to move. Even 149 Guys and a Couple of Trucks Moving Company wasn’t large enough to handle the job. A reader wondered what the city slogan of Bath was. That’s a great question. The Bath of my boyhood days had a population of 2. I doubt it had a slogan, and I can only guess what it might have been. Perhaps the Bath Corn & Tourism Board had come up with the motto, “We might not be for you.” Or “Good enough,” “We’re over here,” “Parking available” or “Bath: a great place to drive past.” My suggestion would be, “Bath: I miss it.”

Thursday is just a state of mind

It was Thursday, but it seemed like Friday. What’s it called when that happens? Temporarily disoriented? A calendar malfunction? Stuck in a day? A mind living in another day? Donovan sang, “It’s Saturday night. It feels like a Sunday in some ways.” Sam Horn wrote, “Someday is not a day in the week.” When Friday arrived, right on time, I was ready for it. I’d been there before.

You may have done this. I was at a visitation and snaked through in a long line to shake hands, hug and say appropriate words to my dead friend’s kin. As I was leaving, I saw that another member of the deceased’s family had entered the room. I got back in line and went around again. I placed a mint (a bereavemint) in my mouth in case I had mourning breath. Why did I get back at the end of the line? It was because my mother told me never to cut in line.

Bad jokes department

My doctor told me to drink two glasses of water after a hot bath, but I haven’t finished drinking the hot bath.

I was in a rock band called The Hinges. We opened for The Doors.

What do you call a bipolar magnet? A magnet.

Since I learned my grandfather came from Transylvania, I haven’t been able to look myself in the eye in a mirror.

How do I describe myself in three words? Efficient.

What has five toes and isn’t your foot? My foot.

Why did the nurse carry a red pen? To draw blood.

Last night, as I looked at the moon and stars filling the sky, I couldn’t help but wonder where the ceiling went.

Nature notes

“How many times can a skunk spray?” Skunks can’t run over 10 mph, so they spray instead. Skunks warn perceived predators by stomping their feet, clicking their teeth and raising their tails. They hold their ground or run directly toward a threat. Skunks can spray at about a month old. Skunk spray can be smelled a mile and a half away. Skunks can spray 5 or 6 times before needing to replenish, taking 8 to 10 days to refill. Skunks aren’t vocal other than Flower or Pepe Le Pew, but can squeal, chirp, whimper, whine, grunt and smack their lips. Tomato juice isn’t an effective way to get rid of a skunk’s stench, as it only masks the smell. Mix ¼ cup baking soda, 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide and 1 to 2 teaspoons of liquid dish detergent. Keep out of eyes and don’t store.

“I saw a cardinal this winter with no tail. Will it grow back?” The cardinal might have avoided capture, had its tail frozen to a perch or been caught in something. During a fright molt, all the tail feathers are simultaneously ejected from their follicles in an escape, leaving a predator with a mouth or talon full of feathers or a puff of feathers behind. The tails grow back quickly. If a feather breaks, it remains broken until the next molt, but if a feather is pulled out at the root, regrowth begins immediately. Tailless birds can survive this disadvantage.

Meeting adjourned

“In a world where so many are throwing bricks on others, be the one who builds bridges with them.”–Emma Xu.