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Al Batt: The right size for grocery shopping

Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

A sweater I bought was filled with static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

Did you get a different sweater?

Yes, they gave me one free of charge.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: The morning began early. I made tea before turning on the radio and learning the “Now what?” of the day. It sounded as if the weather forecast was for rain followed by a Thursday, but I might have heard wrong. Then there was a talk of COVID-19 numbers. The coronavirus is a slow dance and as persistent as the original sin. The world has become wet paint. I often lick a fingertip to turn a page. It’s good if I stay out of libraries for a while.

Face masks may cover mouths, but there are many people who can make their eyes smile. They show joy no matter what. Would John Wayne wear a mask? Someone might have to put it on him as he’d be 113 years old now, but he’d wear one as he wanted to be the hero in his movies. He’d say as he did in “Flying Tigers,” “Don’t try to win this war all by yourself.” Or maybe he’d quote his character from “Stagecoach, “Well, there are some things a man just can’t run away from.”

I listened to some songs by John Prine, who is most often my favorite singer, and died from the dad-blamed COVID-19.

It was low-hanging fruit

My wife was in a grocery store. She wanted to buy a seedless watermelon. The store kept their watermelons in a huge box at the end of an aisle. There was only one melon left in that container and she couldn’t reach it. She said there were no big people around to help her. I have been asked often to grab an item from the top shelf for someone. I’m vertically enhanced and the one asking wasn’t. One day, I’m going to ask a short person to get something from the bottom shelf for me. That would be good. I could use the help.

And the winners

in the Worst Joke

category are

“What is brown, wrinkled and lives in a tower?” The lunch bag of Notre Dame.

“What breed of dogs enjoys taking baths?” There are two — the shampoodle and the bathithound.

We got a puppy to help us get through the pandemic. Unfortunately, my husband turned out to be allergic to dogs. I need to find a new home for him. His name is Robert. He’s 59, handy around the house and has a nice car.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Six things I shoulda, woulda, coulda, had oughta done in 2019

  Bought more books from the Friends of the Library. Visited with and hugged everyone. Read up on toilet paper hoarding. Found a good mask to get the flu to skidoo. Planned a bigger garden. Invested in Zoom.

Nature notes

A blue jay flew into a feeder holding peanuts in the shell. The jay picked up a number of peanuts and put them back down as it searched for the perfect goober. Finding one with the weight that indicated good eating inside, the bird flew off with it.

Jerry and Jill Morstad of Albert Lea had a mallard raise a family in a nest in a tree in their yard. They live along a busy street, so Jerry erected a “Duckling crossing” sign.

Goldenrods bloom and don’t cause hay fever as their heavy pollen is carried by insects. Great and common ragweeds shed pollen causing hay fever symptoms.

Wild cucumber, an annual native vine, blooms with small white flowers. The rambunctious plant has star-shaped leaves and spiky fruit. Orb spider webs in grasses are evident on dewy mornings and make swell photos.

Dog days are related to the Dog Star, Sirius, which is the brightest star visible from Earth at night. Dog days are the 40-day period (July 3 — August 11) when the sun is in the same region of the sky as Sirius. Greeks and Romans thought Sirius gave the sun extra heat, but that’s not true. Dog days are when birdsong lessens and if you add the temperature and humidity to your age, it will be too high.

If you get lost in the woods, follow a Virginia opossum. You’ll end up in the middle of a road.

Meeting adjourned

The old catchphrase of Rexall Drugstores was, “Good health to all from Rexall.” The same to you from me.