Al Batt: Listen to the Dodgers just to hear Vin Scully

Published 9:18 am Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

I think honesty is my greatest weakness.

I wouldn’t consider honesty to be a weakness.

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Who cares what you think, you moron.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I just read an article saying that the dolphin is the second most intelligent animal. As I read the news each day, I figure the dolphins are gaining on us. I didn’t work at the State Fair this year despite numerous opportunities. I like the State Fair, but let’s face it, it’s no cat video. When camping, everything sounds like a bear.

The cafe chronicles

The sign read, “Eat here or we’ll both starve.” There was a smell of Old Spice and wisdom. And coffee. The League of Extraordinary Coffee Drinkers had gathered. The white hair proved that cream rises to the top. A sandwich was ordered. It could have been wurst.

Old Man McGinty

Old Man McGinty, the youngest Old Man McGinty ever, collects antique seed corn caps. It’s old hat for him. He likes wild critters. He puts out tea for the Earl Grey squirrels. But he complained that raccoons had been playing the stalk market. They trampled his sweet corn patch. He told his doctor about it, in case it impacted his blood pressure. He’d gone to see Doc Splint Eastwood because his armpits were chafed. Splint told him to loosen his belt.

Sweet mosquito corn

I went outside to pick a few tomatoes and to bond with the mosquitoes. The mosquitoes were terrible. It was ouch-and-go for a while. I found a dead opossum. Opossums play dead, but this one was serious about it. I figured the mosquitoes had sucked it dry. As I got my daily exercise by swatting at the pesky biting insects, I thought of sweet corn. Specifically, corn on the cob. I love sweet corn. According to the USDA, Minnesota is the top-producing sweet corn state. Over 100,000 acres of farmland are planted in sweet corn annually and they produce nearly a third of the nation’s sweet corn. Birds Eye, Green Giant, Del Monte, Seneca and others process the crop. Why does Minnesota grow sweet corn so well? It has consistent rainfall, warm days and cooler nights. It has the right climate to grow good sweet corn and an abundance of mosquitoes. That’s why I think of sweet corn while being bitten by mosquitoes. It helps.

Rental car recollections

I listened to a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball game. I’m not, nor have I ever been a Dodger fan. I listened because of the announcer, Vin Scully. This is his final season and he is the best baseball broadcaster. He describes a game while telling wonderful stories.

I was speaking at some things in Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix gets 0 inches of snowfall annually. Phoenix averages 299 sunny days each year, with 109 days of over 100 degrees. It was hot enough for me. I spent much of my time searching for shade. I had my photo taken by a stalagmite in a cavern while in Arizona. It was cool there, but that’s beside the point.

George and Lucille’s boy

It was back in the days when my ears were dirty enough to grow potatoes, my fingernails carried enough dirt to grow corn and humor was asking, “How many ears did Davy Crockett have?”

Three. A right ear, a left ear, and a wild front ear.

I’d sit alone on the teeter-totter and stare into the air as if my teeter-tottering partner had been flung there. I did so in the hopes of frightening a teacher.

School has begun. Girls walk and chalk. Hopscotch. Kids bear backpacks, resembling ants carrying more than their weight. When I was in school, we had a school nurse. Today, they likely have a school chiropractor, too.

Nature notes

Paul Schwab of Owatonna asked if fledgling male goldfinches are yellow now and change color before winter or get their first yellow in the spring. The young males get some yellow feathers earlier, but don’t turn bright yellow until their second summer. The older the male, the more extensive the bright white patches on his tail feathers. A goldfinch’s legs, feet and bill change from a dark grayish brown to a buffy yellow-orange color in the spring.

Meeting adjourned

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” — Princess Diana