QUESTION: What do we do with our child who seems completely unmotivated in school?

 ANSWER:  Helping unmotivated kids is one of the most complicated challenges faced by parents and teachers. There are no easy solutions.

However, in a very high percentage of situations, a child’s lack of motivation has its roots in feelings of frustration, anger, hopelessness, lack of control or loss.

Psychologists tell us that the majority of these feelings reside in the subconscious, where they wreck havoc on a child’s ability to engage in higher-level thinking tasks such as sustained attention to detail, problem-solving, memory, perseverance and self-control.

This is why punishing children for getting bad grades usually backfires.  If a child is already feeling bad about life, how is making him feel worse about it going to get him motivated to succeed?

Jim Fay, “Love and Logic” author, has some valuable insights to share about getting to the roots of apathy; he has successfully parented through this challenge himself.

The central message is the importance of loving kids for who they are, rather than for who we want them to be.  The healing process begins when we end the power struggle by saying, “We will love you no matter how well or how poorly you do in school. Your grades are your grades…not ours.  That’s why we are no longer going to fight with you about them.  Just let us know how we can help.”

If you would like to talk about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.  Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org and the Hope for Underachieving Kids DVD (Jim Fay) at the PRC Specialty Library (105 First Street SE, Austin)