Al Batt: Don’t criticize anyone who prepares food

Published 8:42 am Thursday, December 11, 2014

Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

I missed the lutefisk feed. My car wouldn’t start.

What was wrong with it?

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I hadn’t put the key in the ignition.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Never criticize anyone who prepares your food. They will get even.

The cafe chronicles

A panel of experts was seated at the table of infinite knowledge. That’s the good table. The one where the catsup bottle top is gunk free.

“Do you want to trade?” asked one.

“What did you order?” replied the other.

It’s true, men never do grow up.

Hardwood humor

My son Brian is a basketball coach. He heard this one at a coach’s clinic.

A professor was pontificating at the front of the class when he heard a cellphone ringtone. He asked whose phone was ringing. His students all denied it being theirs. The sound was coming from the back of the classroom where no one was sitting. At the end of the class, he walked to the back and found a cellphone on a chair. The phone’s screen showed that there had been 59 missed calls. The professor knew immediately that the abandoned phone belonged to a basketball referee.

It’s not how old you are, it’s how you are old

We both remembered collect phone calls. She said that after her husband died, she moved to Iowa to make her four kids happy.

“Your children live in Iowa?” I asked.

“Not a one of the dear dears do,” she replied with a smile.

I stopped to see my brother Donald. I hadn’t seen him for a day. He greeted me with, “I haven’t seen you since the last time.” He was drinking a cup of coffee. He is a dedicated and determined drinker of coffee. I asked him how the coffee was. He said, “I can’t find anything wrong with it.”

He wasn’t at home. Health problems had planted him where few want to be. It’s difficult for him to whistle a happy tune, but perhaps good coffee will allow him to bloom in his own little patch. I hope so.

Customer comments

Lonnie Harig of Emmons said that he ate a meal at a cafe in Green Bay. He picked up a free Green Bay Packer game ticket there. In small print, the ticket said that it wasn’t valid for any home or away games.

Elsie Thostenson told me that her quilting group at Cross of Glory Lutheran Church in Hartland produced 3000 quilts in 26 years. Things like that are the reason we have the word “uffda!”

Dan Belshan of Glenville said that anyone who can levy taxes should be elected. I think taxpayers should be elected.

Brad Harig of Emmons said that when he was in high school, they played poker in the back of the school bus. The bus driver was not disapproving. Far from it, she made change.

Marsha Taylor of Goshen, Indiana, asked her retired husband, “Do you know what we have to do tomorrow?” He replied, “What?” Marsha answered, “Any darned thing we want.”

Denny Brue of Albert Lea said that after an accident claimed his Honda, he bought a Cadillac. He said that driving a Cadillac is much better than lying in the back of one.

Harold Williams of Waverly, Alabama, spends his summers in Alaska. He parked his car and was told by a police officer that he couldn’t park there because it was where bears crossed the road. Harold watched a bear crossing far down the road and said, “You need to train that bear better.”

Daniel Purdy of Albert Lea and I were discussing something that strained belief. Daniel said, “I was born at night, but not last night.”

Brian Haroldson of Kiester told me that when he was a boy, a member of his family made lutefisk and drowned it in Blue Bonnet margarine instead of butter.

Nature notes

It can be to a young bird’s advantage to leave the nest as soon as possible. Predators can easily find a nest of noisy baby birds.