Term limits help migration

Published 8:52 am Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Echoes from the Loafers’ Club meeting:

“I lost my job as a compressor room operator.”

“What does a compressor room operator do?”

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“I don’t know. That’s why I lost the job.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Grudges are like rocks we carry in our pockets and then wonder why we’re tired.

Café chronicles

The gentleman from Fairmont said that he had been sitting at a table with his friends. One of them put so much sugar and cream in his coffee that, well, as the man told me, “It ruined my coffee just by watching him.”

My neighbor

My neighbor Norm, one of society’s Norms, believes that premarital counseling should consist of a single question. “Where do you like the thermostat set?”

Norm said that his oldest sister married a guy from Three Rivers, Wis. They have three children. His next sister married a fellow from Four Points, Mont. They have four kids. Norm’s third sister’s husband is from Five Points, N.C. They have five children. His youngest sister is engaged to a resident of Ninety Six, S.C., but Norm’s father won’t allow her to marry the man.

Coffee was always on

The coffee boiled on the stove throughout the day. It was often what was referred to as “egg coffee.” It was scalding hot and blacker than the inside of a pants pocket. When a cup was poured, the java was too hot to drink. The remedy was to pour it into the saucer and blow on it. Once the coffee had been saucered and blown, it could be slurped. Loud slurping was evidence of appreciation.

The story of a scone

The woman from Winona gave me a blueberry scone. She told me that it was her great-grandmother’s recipe. When her grandfather was a lad, his mother rewarded him with a coin each time he memorized a Bible verse, a bit of poetry, or other things she deemed good to know.

On his deathbed, the Winona woman’s grandfather recited from memory the recipe for his mother’s blueberry scones. The woman makes them regularly. The scone was delicious by itself, but it became sublime when accompanied by the story.

Days of yesteryear

“Would you like a glass of nectar?” my mother asked.

It was red Kool-Aid. I liked all kinds of Kool-Aid as long as it was red. I always took Mother up on that offer. I didn’t want to be haunted by regrets.

The T-shirt read

On the man at the airport in Milwaukee: “Only the insured survive.”

Matrimony testimony

Jill Demmer of Hartland said that she attended a wedding in which the wedding party faced the guests and the minister had his back to those in attendance during the entire ceremony. It’s not that I don’t enjoy facing a clergyman, but that seems like an excellent way to offer the wedding rites.

Such an arrangement makes it easier for the groom to see the disappointment in the faces of his new in-laws.

Overheard …

… only because she was screaming into a cell phone: In Cleveland, Ohio, “I hate it when you’re being the way you always are!”

From the mailbag

Bob Hargis of Wyoming sends this, “You’re never too old to learn something stupid.”

Nature notes

“When geese fly in a V-formation, which goose is in the lead?” Geese have adopted term limits. The leaders rotate and this teamwork conserves energy. The lead bird breaks the wall of air that the flock flies into. The swirling air caused by the lead bird’s actions helps move the birds behind it.

The V-formation gives each bird behind the lead bird the same assistance. Being the lead goose is hard work, so periodically the leader drops back and allows another bird to take on the work of the lead.

“Something is digging holes in my lawn. What could it be?” If the holes are about the size of a cup, it’s likely a skunk looking for grubs. If the holes are one or two feet in diameter or larger, and cover a large area, appearing as if something is trying to destroy your lawn, it’s probably the work of raccoons.