Echoes from the Loafers’ Club meeting

“I think that young woman is smiling at me.”

“So?”

“Don’t you think that’s odd?”

“No, the first time I saw you, I laughed out loud.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: A woman always refers to a creepy insect or unwanted rodent as a “him.”

From the family files

My brother Donald shared this family tale with me. My Uncle Bill and my Aunt Beulah had a passel of kids. One day, Uncle Bill was driving the car with half the kids in the front with him while Beulah sat in the backseat with the rest of the youngsters. Uncle Bill chewed tobacco on occasion and this was one of those occasions. He spit out the window as he motored down the road. The tobacco juice came in the opened back window and hit Aunt Beulah. Years of marriage counseling down the drain.

Things I have learned

1. That since I’ve stopped dialing telephone numbers, I need to stop saying that I’ve dialed someone.

2. An SUV is an automobile that city people who move to the country drive so that everyone will know that they are from the city. They are Minneapolis tractors.

3. I drove at a snail’s pace from a parking lot. I couldn’t see traffic from the left because of a parked SUV. Its high profile obstructed my view. Certain areas should allow only lower car parking.

Reading T-shirts

Bob Hargis of Riverton, Wyoming said that his favorite T-shirt reads, “Ambiguity: What Happens In Vagueness, Stays In Vagueness.”

Cat replaced

Dave Ausen of Alden told me that his farm has an abundance of barn cats. He gives cats to people who request one. Dave adds that his felines come with a guaranteed replacement. If the first cat is lost, he will replace it at no charge.

From the pew

The late Daryl Bendewald of Hartland said that when quit the church choir, the congregation thought that the church organ had been tuned.

School daze

When I was in the third grade, our assignment was to list our five favorite countries. A classmate’s list read as follows: 1. United States 2. Canada 3. Norway 4. Sweden 5. Disneyland.

Hitchhiking

I am of the generation that hitchhiked. It was a normal thing to do. For every hike, there was a hitch.

For some reason, I thought of hitchhiking the other day when I was a part of this conversation.

“Do you have your car with you?”

“No, I left it outside.”

My neighbor

Rusty Steele, the old junk dealer, told me that his memory has become a little farsighted. He was 87 before he remembered that he was an octogenarian. He said that getting old is like getting into a bath of scalding water. After you’re in it for a while, it’s not so hot. Rusty added that he’s not too old to paint the town, but he is too old to lift the bucket of paint. In the hopes of being more than a good doorstop, he’s taking some classes. He was named valedictorian of the napping class at the Senior Center.

Al Batt’s column runs each Tuesday in the Herald