Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting:

“I’m stiff from doing deep knee bends.”

“When did you start exercising?”

“The minute my glazed doughnut rolled under the sofa.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: where would Clark Kent change into his Superman costume today?

Things I’ve learned

1. It is difficult to trust people who have all the answers.

2. We want more government than we are willing to pay for.

3. You cannot hug a cactus and bill your insurance company for acupuncture treatment.

Bowling for savings

There used to be something on TV called Bowling for Dollars. It was a game show in which people could win cash and prizes by bowling. An aunt of mine found a way to bowl for dollars without bowling. My uncle and aunt, Dwight and Edith Potter, lived in Emmetsburg, Iowa. They had three children, a home, and a business, but no savings account at the bank. Another uncle, Merv, convinced Dwight to join a bowling team that had “coffee frames.” Pre-determined frames in which the bowler with the lowest pin count on the first ball bought coffee for the others. Any time all but one bowler in any frame got strikes, that one bought coffee for the others. When Dwight arrived home, Edith would ask him how he had bowled and he would regale her with his exploits, including any coffee buying he had done. Edith did some calculation and figured out how much Dwight was spending each night he bowled. She placed a like amount into a savings account. She did that each week and saving became a habit.

Woodwise decision

I burned wood for heat for many years. I sawed, chopped and split wood regularly. The wind took down some trees on our property last summer. One of the trees was a widowmaker or fool killer, named for causing fatalities to forest workers. A widowmaker is a broken limb hanging freely in a tree to be felled or in a nearby tree. This tree was propped up by a neighboring tree. I don’t mind heights. I’m a tall guy. My superpower has always been my ability to retrieve items from high shelves. I told my wife that I would tackle the troublesome tree. She asked why I didn’t contact a tree service. It was because they would charge $400 for the task. My wife hinted that $400 wouldn’t pay for my emergency room visit. I called the tree service.

Political winds

While working in Indiana, I listened to Gov. Mitch Daniels speak. Daniels took office in 2005. His favorite example of how the performance of the government has improved under his leadership is that the average wait time at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles has fallen from 40 minutes in 2005 to eight minutes now.

It wasn’t wise but …

He was a handsome Hereford bull. I named him Bullet. I was a young boy who had apparently run out of good names for farm animals. Bullet wouldn’t have been allowed into any china shops, but he was gentle for a bull. Especially when he was eating corn. I’d give Bullet an ear of corn and he allowed me to ride him. I didn’t want to be a bull rider. I wanted to be a cowboy, but I had no horse. I had convinced myself that Roy Rogers had started out riding bulls that were eating corn before he moved on to Trigger. Bullet wasn’t as fast as a speeding bullet, but he switched his tail while he ate the corn. Happy tails to me.

I wish I’d have taken a photo of old Bullet but when we had Herefords, I didn’t have a camera. Now I have a couple of cameras but no Herefords.

Nature notes

During the Middle Ages, it was believed that cranes took turns keeping watch for enemies at night. The bird on duty held a stone in one foot. If the sentry fell asleep, the stone would drop and wake the crane.