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Austin has its own Christmas song selection

Published 8:55am Wednesday, December 15, 2010

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Personally, I don’t expect any presents this year. I had a choice to be naughty or nice and I chose naughty.

It was worth it.

Gas prices keep going and the price of hay, too. It’s gotten so bad, Santa Claus is feeding his reindeer beans. He may not want to sit in the front seat of his sleigh.

It’s sounded like Christmas for a long time.

I think Halloween trick-or-treaters at my apartment door were singing “Jingle Bells” when they snatched all my Reese’s Pieces.

Christmas music is everywhere all the time and starting to annoy me.

That little drummer boy can take his pa-rum-pum -pum-pum and shove it.

Sure. Holiday music gets you in the mood, but too much can spoil a good thing.

When I started singing Elvis’ “Blue Christmas” in the shower this morning, the water shut off.

Still, it could be worse. Here are some examples of Christmas songs that must have been composed by the Grinch:

“Hark! The Herald Advertising Staff Sings:” A misguided Austin Daily Herald newspaper promotion goes awry again. Who can forget the “Buy a newspaper today – Save a publisher’s job,” campaign launched several years ago. It didn’t fly. That publisher pawned his key to the executive washroom, left town and is bagging groceries at a supermarket in Sturgis, S.D.

Not to be out-done, the Austin Post-Bulletin came up with its own holiday song “The PB is coming to town.”

Then, public figures got into the Christmas song routine.

First off, I must admit when I heard Sam Johnson sing, “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” at an immigration reform rally, I was stunned.

Not only did I find the National Socialists Party spokesman’s song offensive, but also hecklers chanting “Feliz Navidad” drowned him out.

Then, Austin Mayor Tom Stiehm went country with his recording of “I’ll Be Re-elected For Christmas.”

Kenny Chesney, he isn’t.

Of course, that only made Marion Clennon furious.

The 3rd Ward Council Member, who lost the Nov. 2 mayoral election to Stiehm, weighed in with the catchy “ Recountin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

Dreadful.

The Austin City Council tried its best to capture the holiday song market.

“I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas” was a poor choice.

Sure. The city is strapped for money, but send your letters to Sparks and Poppe; not Santa Claus.

Over at the Mower County Courthouse, whoever convinced the county commissioners to record a Christmas song, must have been out of their mind. Having 5 middle-aged men sing “Do You Hear What I Hear,” only convinced taxpayers of what they already suspected: The county commissioners hear voices.

Frankly, I think county coordinator Craig Oscarson has a good voice, but his version of “All I Want For Christmas” just went way too long. His list never ended.

Those courthouse custodians — I can’t mention their names. They let me park my bike in the lobby — got my attention with their version of “I Saw (Blank) Kissing (Blank).”

If the lyrics are true, no more pushing brooms. You boys are set for life.

I voted for Terese Amazi to be re-elected Mower County Sheriff and she won, but her rendition of “Jail For the Holidays” was just a little too hard-edged for Christmas tastes.

Patience, Sheriff. The jail will be filled soon and those criminals will be home in jail for Christmas and beyond.

Deputy Jeff Ellis, who lost a hard-fought election in November to the incumbent, showed he took defeat hard. Recording a song called “Frosty, the County Sheriff” will have him walking a beat in Renova,

Sandy Forstner, the executive director of the Austin Chamber of Commerce, works hard to stimulate the local economy. We all know that. His solo version of “Here Comes Shoppers” was over the top.

Personally, I thought former Fire Chief Dan Wilson’s soulful “Santa Claus Is Going To Town” creepy. What if children and Presbyterians get a hold of that?

None of these attempts to spread holiday cheer succeeded.

Nope. Only the classic Christmas songs need be sung.

OMG! FM 100 is playing “Little Drummer Boy” again.

Where are the aspirin?


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