Annie Lane: Noisy house is driving  me nuts

Published 5:49 pm Tuesday, April 4, 2023

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Dear Annie: My husband and I moved to a different state this past summer, and there are a lot of things I am happy about, such as great schools for our kids, more to do and a husband who is happier at his job. However, I hate our new house. With a passion.

I had my doubts about it from the minute we looked at it: It’s close to a big highway, so I knew the noise would bother me, and some red flags came up on the inspection. However, we were buying at the height of the housing market craziness, and my husband was certain we wouldn’t find anything else in our price range, plus we wanted to get the kids settled before school started.

Long story short, the inspection issues ended up costing us another 10 grand; the noise is driving me crazy (seriously, I have to have white noise on all the time and can’t sleep); and I am hugely resentful of my husband, who I feel pushed us into this even after I raised my concerns. I know I am being a bit silly and ungrateful, as there are plenty of people who can’t even afford a home in this market, and I am wondering if my obsessive-compulsive disorder has me a little over focused on the noise, especially since I work from home and am here all day.

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I love my husband so very much, and I really don’t want to keep being mad about this on a daily basis, so how do I let it go? 

– Going Nuts Over Noise

Dear Going Nuts Over Noise: Just because you love your husband does not mean that you are not frustrated with him for not listening to you about your hesitations about the house. Some people are more sensitive to noise, and you are one of them.

A study by scientists at Northwestern University has found that an inability to filter out irrelevant sounds is common among creative people.

You mentioned that you have OCD, and that could be the cause for your being so frustrated with the noise. If that is the case, then even if you move, you might find something else to fixate on that bothers you. First, give yourself and your family a full year to settle in, and seek professional help to manage your OCD; once all of that is under control, then decide if you want to move or not.

You also could be taking out your fears, or repressed anger, about the move on the house. Give yourself a full year to settle in without judging, and if, after that time, everything else is going well and the house is still bothering you, then move.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to