Annie Lane: Cellphones have a time and place

Published 5:48 pm Tuesday, March 21, 2023

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Dear Annie: Do you think my husband loves me? He yells at me, and in his sleep, he yells obscenities, but he says it isn’t about me. He never wants to talk or anything. He just wants me at home. He is upstairs, and I’m downstairs. If I ask a question, I’m stupid. Never a nice compliment or “I love you.” Am I wrong for staying in this relationship? I ask for him to do things together, but he says no because they cost money. He says we don’t have any money.

But when his best friend died, his son asked him to buy a place in the mountains, suddenly, there is money. And the son of his friend didn’t put any money or get a loan; he bought it all.

– He Loves Me Not

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Dear He Loves Me Not: I’m not sure if he is even capable of love because he certainly doesn’t love himself. Anyone who would say such emotionally abusive things to his wife is not loving. He is really treating you poorly, and it is time to seek marriage counseling. If he refuses to go with you, then you should seek the help of a professional therapist or a counseling group for women who have suffered from emotional abuse. You might also want to speak with a lawyer and get your finances in order.

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Dear Annie: I am my mother’s first-born. She was 20 years old and a newlywed at 18. I grew up with my parents and three siblings. My parents were both hardworking people. My mother was everything to our family and huge circle of friends. What a hostess! If a loved one passed, she was instantly in the kitchen making casseroles. I could write a book about her.

She suffered with dementia that took her like a freight train. Two years later, she died on my birthday. People often say “Oh, I’m so sorry. On your birthday.” All I can say is, what a great honor. She chose to go to the good Lord the same day she gave birth to me.

– Here’s to You, Mom.

Dear Here’s to You, Mom: What a beautiful way to look at your mother’s passing.

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Dear Annie: For the doctor who is excusing parents and cellphone use; There is a time and place for everything, and a healthy balance is most appropriate. I have an early ed degree and have provided private preschool/day care from birth through age 12 for 40 wonderful years. I’ve seen the best and worst parenting skills. Nothing is more heartbreaking than a parent arriving at the end of the day on their phone while they should be present and warmly greeting their excited child. The phone parents manage a little wave, or some hold up their hand as if to say “stop” or put a finger to their lips that means “shush.” These are the parents more likely to have children who act out because they are constantly competing for attention, and the only way they get it is by making noise or misbehaving. It’s such a sad cycle that would be nonexistent if parents could just put their phones away and greet their children in a socially appropriate way. Every parent should make time to interact with their child without a phone attached to their hand.

– Early Ed Teacher

Dear Early Ed Teacher: Thank you for your valuable perspective.

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