Annie Lane: Husband wants his lover to move into our home

Published 5:54 pm Friday, December 16, 2022

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Dear Annie: I need therapy because of what is happening in my marriage. My husband of 28 years has had a five-year relationship with another woman, and now they’ve had a child together. My husband is a 56-year-old autistic man.

He is so hurt because he did not want to hurt me. We have been crying together over this. He sobs uncontrollably because he wants to keep me protected while at the same time saying that he does not want to leave his 5-year-old child and his girlfriend.

He wants me to stay in a trailer on the property, so I can be safe, and he wants to move the girlfriend and child into our home of 15 years.

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I have nowhere to go. I am alone except for him. What do I do?

I have broken down miserably, and he has, too, but she wants to live in our home!

— Help Me Please

Dear Help Me: I am so sorry that you are going through this. Seek marriage counseling immediately. You don’t have to allow your husband’s mistress to live in your home. That sounds like torture. It is bad enough that you suffered through an affair, and now he wants you to live with a daily reminder of it? The answer to him is NO, she cannot move in. He can move out if he tries to press the issue. You have rights. Please seek the help of a professional therapist, and if he is unwilling to go to counseling, then I would call an attorney.

• • •

Dear Annie: Please tell “Am I Being Greedy or Gaslit?” with the realtor husband to talk to a lawyer. She said her husband put his name on her properties but refused to put her name on his. My sister had a realtor husband who did the same kind of stuff. They eventually divorced.

My sister had a fight with him and went to see an attorney. The attorney investigated his financial records and found some things he did behind her back with real estate deals for the 15 years they were married. Unfortunately, she barely got anything, though we found out later that he had a six-figure income during that time. All she got was 60% of their home and a lawyer’s bill for over $100,000. His kids will get everything he owns. It was a terrible, nasty divorce that took three years.

It’s better for her to get things clarified and have an attorney look at everything. People change with time, especially when there is money and property involved.

— Get a Lawyer

Dear Get a Lawyer: I am sorry that your sister had to go through a difficult divorce. I agree that you should always consult a professional.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to