Al Batt: Speaking with an Axe scent

Published 5:42 pm Tuesday, November 29, 2022

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Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

I thought my deodorant was a breath spray.

You don’t mean?

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Yes, I’ll be speaking with a strange Axe scent.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. The days are getting shorter. Saturday, Sunday, Monda, Tues, Wed, Th, F. I’m glad you made it through Thanksgiving. You may have leftovers you’re wondering what to do with, especially the guy sleeping in your recliner who nobody recognizes and claims to be your late Aunt Esther’s second husband who said Esther told him he should stop by and spend a few days with you, but you never had an Aunt Esther.

At this time of the year, a snowfall is a sign of snows to come. NOAA’s Climate Prediction Center updated its winter outlook for December-February and it shows all but the southwest corner of Minnesota in an area where above-normal precipitation is possible. It suggests most of Minnesota has a 33-40% chance of above-normal precipitation. Colder-than-average temperatures will spread across Iowa with the eastern edge of the state experiencing more precipitation than usual.

I’ve learned

Every city should have a Water Street whether or not it is near water. That way every Mayor could claim to have walked on Water.

The music wasn’t better when I was a kid than it is today, but I liked it better.

The reflexive pronoun “myself” is always used as the object of a sentence, never the subject. “Me” functions as an object and “I” is a subject. You should use “myself” only when you’ve referred to yourself earlier in the sentence.

In space, there are no sounds except those made by leaf blowers.

The roads narrow at harvest time.

Some cars are real loaners.

Bad jokes department

A friend shook my hand and said, “Earth.” That meant the world to me.

To the guy who invented zero. Thanks for nothing.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? HIPAA. HIPAA who? I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to release that information.

If you see a chameleon, it wasn’t a very good one.

What is the opposite of a donut? Donotnut.

Nature notes

Raccoons don’t hibernate. What they do has been called going into torpor, winter sleep, partial hibernation or becoming dormant. They retire to a den where they sleep for long periods, waking occasionally to hit the snooze button or to leave the den for lunch. Mating occurs in February and March. If the temperature drops below 27°, raccoons typically retreat to their dens, often in hollow logs and trees. They can have more than one den and sleep in the one they determine is most secure. They can burrow underground to make dens and it isn’t unusual for raccoons to nap together and they have been discovered in chimneys, under decks and in abandoned buildings.

Are golden eagles bigger than bald eagles? Golden eagles and bald eagles are of similar size. Female eagles are up to 25% larger than males. On average, a bald eagle is slightly larger than a golden eagle. The Cornell Lab of Ornithology says a golden eagle is 27.6 to 33.1 inches long and a bald eagle is 27.9 to 37.8 inches long. A golden eagle weighs 105.8 to 216.1 ounces and a bald eagle 105.8 to 222.2 ounces. Young bald eagles can be larger than adults because a young eagle’s tail and wing feathers are longer than an adult’s. The young eagles weigh less than adults.

What trees produce the best branches for dowsing or water witching? My father favored a forked branch cut from a live willow tree. You could use any tree, but Y-shaped sticks from willows, witch hazel (not common in much of Minnesota), and various fruit and nut trees are popular.

Cut a Y-shaped stick from a tree, making sure that all three sections of the Y are 12-16 inches long. Grab both the top ends of the Y in an underhanded grasp with your palms facing toward the sky and hold the dowsing rod horizontally so it points in front of you. Maintain a loose grip as you walk slowly in search of water. As you approach a water source, the bottom of the Y of the dowsing rod should bend toward the ground. Dad also used wire coat hangers and wire rods. I watched a tiler use a pair of pliers for that purpose. Does dowsing work? I’m not sure. I’ve seen it done. Seeing isn’t always believing.

Meeting adjourned

Someone will find a welcome shelter in a kind word from you. Please say it.