Annie Lane: Guidance from grandma

Published 8:40 pm Tuesday, September 6, 2022

Dear Annie: I am a 68-year-old Grammy, and I love to do things with my grandchildren. Unfortunately, as we age, our immunity lowers, and we can become sick more easily.

We can expose whooping cough to our grandbabies by just holding them. Pneumonia can be deadly, too, along with COVID-19 or the flu.

So, as we become older, we have to take care of ourselves so we can enjoy our grandchildren, which we have been blessed with. I have six, from the ages of 19 to 1.

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— Oregon and Idaho Grammy

Dear Grammy: Your words of caution are well-founded, and your grandchildren are lucky to have such a conscientious and loving grandmother.

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Dear Annie: As someone who lived in an environment similar to the Cinderella who wrote to you, I wanted to say that I thought your response was a good one, except for finding Prince Charming. NO ONE can save us but ourselves. Before looking for Prince Charming, Cinderella needs to learn to love herself. This can be tough with her background, but it is doable.

Cinderella might want to emotionally step outside of herself and talk to her “better emotionally healthy self.” She can do this with or without a therapist. The answers she will receive will be so much better than looking for a Prince Charming to save her or to complete her.

The purpose of finding a mate is neither to be saved nor to live happily ever after. The mate should help Cinderella be the best possible version of herself, but Cinderella can become her best version with or without the prince.

— A 72-Year-Old Cinderella Who Is Still Finding Herself and Enjoying the Journey

Dear Cinderella: Thank you for sharing your letter. You are correct that one of the most important love affairs to have is loving yourself. But finding a Prince Charming is icing on the cake. There are many wonderful cakes without icing, but there are also many wonderful cakes with icing.

Dear Annie: My friend and I have been friends for 30 years. We met when we were little kids, and now we are both 37.

She has two beautiful daughters by different men. The father of one of her daughters is her current boyfriend, and they have no plans to get married. The way I see them parenting, it is as if they are playing house.

I asked my friend if she wants him to marry her, and she said yes, but he sees no reason to because, he says, “it is just a piece of paper.”

My biggest concern is that he dotes on the daughter they have together, age 2, and he virtually ignores her other daughter, who is 8. What makes me most upset is that she has started calling him “Daddy.” I told my friend that she should correct the older daughter, or one day, when she is grown up, she will want to know who her real dad is.

What should I do? — Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned Friend: You should mind your own business. You are concerning yourself with some pretty personal details of your friend’s life. It is her choice as to what she is comfortable with in the relationship. Just focus on your friendship and enjoying your friend. If your friend is concerned for her daughter’s feelings, she will step in herself. The only way it would be appropriate is if she were to confide in you that she herself is worried.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to