Annie Lane: Daughter deserves better than this baby daddy

Published 4:58 pm Friday, September 30, 2022

Dear Annie: I’m a divorced father with two children. My son has been depressed for over 13 years, living in Denver with his mother who’s an alcoholic. He has lost numerous jobs due to his depression and drinking, eventually drinking two bottles of Jack Daniel’s in the garage of his mother’s house and subsequently shooting himself.

Now comes my daughter, a college graduate who owns a condominium and has a good job and career. She has lost her female roommates because she’s allowed a married man to live in her condo. Not only that, but now she is pregnant with this married man’s baby. I’m supporting my daughter with her pregnancy, but I am totally against allowing this guy to live with her. Her mother is condoning this and saying it’s OK.

I am disgusted with this scenario. Your opinion is appreciated.

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— Daughter Is Out of Control

Dear Out of Control: Your daughter isn’t the only one whose life is going off the rails: Your son’s is, too. It’s absolutely imperative that he, and your ex-wife, for that matter, get help for their alcoholism. Your son has danced with death due to his drinking, and I’m sure living with his mom, who also suffers from the same addiction, only enables him to continue with this destructive behavior. If they’re open to it, their local AA chapter is a great place to start what I hope will be a mutually shared road to recovery.

As for your daughter, what’s most important is ensuring her and the baby’s good health during her pregnancy, which it sounds like you are already doing for them. Now, she and this man need to figure out a plan moving forward. It’s entirely unfair to her, their baby and his wife at home for him to have one foot in and the other out. Unless he is able to fully commit to your daughter and their unborn baby, he simply cannot continue living in her condo.

• • •

Dear Annie: I’m writing in response to “Rocky Mountain,” whose son, “Kyle,” wishes to be a father but who hasn’t met the right match to settle down and start a family with. I think you neglected another alternative: adoption. There are many children who would love to have a wonderful dad, and who knows what kinds of possibilities there could be for someone like Kyle?

I was divorced years ago at 38 and with no children. I did the math and figured that the time to meet someone, get married, get pregnant and have a child or two didn’t fit my schedule, so I decided to adopt twin boys from Russia. After I was approved for adoption and before I went to get the boys, I met “Sam.” We had one date; I brought the boys home; we got married six months later and have been married for 23 years. There is more than one way to create a family!

— One Grateful Mother

Dear Grateful Mother: What a beautiful, heartwarming story! You’re right that families come in all different shapes and sizes. May “Kyle” and others in his shoes consider adoption as a way to start the family they’ve always dreamed of — a blessing for both parent and child.

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