Annie Lane: Suspicious of husband’s friendship

Published 5:34 pm Tuesday, May 24, 2022

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Dear Annie: For the past seven months, I’ve been having issues with my husband of 19 years. I found out seven months ago he’s been talking to an old female friend. He claims that she’s just a friend and that he’s interacting with her only via text and calls and that nothing is going on. Every time I ask him about it, he gets upset and says that he just can’t take all this anymore and he’s about ready to leave.

He’s mentioned her a couple of times throughout the years I’ve known him, but I’ve never thought anything about it until seven months ago. And he’s known her for 30 years. And he has a history with her. I think there’s more going on than he is letting on. Anyways, we plan on going to see her on vacation in another state. And he asked me if I wanted to go. Does that mean anything? Should I go? I’m just confused about this whole situation.

— Feeling Green With Jealousy

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Dear Feeling Green: Jealousy is certainly rearing its ugly head. Continue to talk to him openly about your feelings. He shouldn’t just threaten you that he is ready to leave. Instead, he should try to reassure you, showing you extra affection and being responsive to your fears and insecurities. With all that said, you should trust him in what he says and believe that she is just a friend. If you do not and you know in your gut there is more, then it is time to seek the help of a professional counselor. This “friend” seems to be bringing up issues between the two of you that need to be ironed out.

• • •

Dear Annie: I am 56, divorced last June. The divorce totally caught me off-guard, as I had no idea my husband was unhappy. He had also been seeing someone. It’s now a year since we separated, and I see no future for my life. I am miserable, in counseling, on antidepressants and cry every day. (He was the love of my life, and we had plans for our retirement.) I am on disability for health and mental issues now. I am falling apart slowly. I have considered stepping in front of a bus or something, just to end this deadly, horrible nonexistence. Counseling doesn’t seem to help much. I fake it around people; no one knows how bad I am at this point. I have considered going to Switzerland for assisted suicide. That is probably what I will do in the end; it’ll be the easiest. My life has been a waste. For financial reasons, I have to make it two more years, and then I can go away. How can I make it two more years?

— Holding On

Dear Holding On: Please seek help immediately. You are not alone. The is a great resource. You are as sick as your secrets. You don’t have to fake your happiness for anyone; tell people how much you are hurting. Seek the help of a medical professional as soon as possible. Your life is worth living.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to