Annie Lane: Misery with no company

Published 6:48 pm Friday, April 29, 2022

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Dear Annie: My husband took away all sex and everything that went with it 22 years ago. I hate my wasted life. I divorced him in 2019, but we share a house. Neither of us has kids or relatives close by, so we kind of take care of each other.

I’m at a point where I hate my situation. I basically live in my bedroom and come out only for food, water and to go to the bathroom. We share the house cleaning. My ex is a very argumentative person and a slob. He has made the living room into his bedroom, sleeping in a recliner. He’s 73, and I will be 70 in June. I have no friends and I rarely go anywhere. I’m stuck in this stinking town, where I have lived for 20 years. The nearest city is 24 miles away. I absolutely hate my life. What should I do?

—Living in Misery

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Dear Misery: First things first, start by getting out of the house you so clearly hate. Whether it’s taking a walk or visiting that closest city for a daytrip, getting a change of scenery can change your perspective.

See what groups or clubs exist near you; it’s a great way to meet new people and start making friends. Rediscover your hobbies. What used to bring you joy? Be gone the days of sitting at home, a prisoner in your own life. There’s much to see and do out there beyond the four walls of your bedroom, so get to it. Consider seeking the help of a licensed therapist to work through your feelings of depression.

While these are good things to distract yourself right now, you also need to think about the long term. What steps are you taking to get out of this house and away from your ex-husband? If it’s a matter of money, begin planning how you might secure your own housing in the near future. If it’s a matter of comfortability, perhaps it’s time to accept the fact that this is rock bottom. Each day you choose to continue living in your past is a day of your future you can’t get back.

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Dear Annie: My nephew is getting married next month. The wedding and reception are going to be outside at a resort. When we got the invitation, on the back of the card, it said if we were not vaccinated, we are to stay away as there will be elderly people, and the couple wants them to be safe.

Neither my husband nor I are vaccinated by choice. Obviously, I’m very hurt by this request. It’s an outdoor party, and COVID restrictions have relaxed significantly where they’re getting married.

The bride and groom are not asking for verification of vaccinations; they’re just trusting people to be truthful, and they are asking people to wear masks. I was upfront and told them that we aren’t vaxxed.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking that since it’s an outdoor event, our presence there wouldn’t harm anyone? I think the bride and groom have gone overboard with panic. To me, asking people to wear masks outside is ludicrous. Am I wrong?

—Very Hurt in Arizona

Dear Very Hurt: You may not see eye to eye with the bride and groom on COVID precautions, but ultimately, it’s their day and their ceremony —and what they say goes. In addition to older wedding-goers, there could be guests in attendance with health concerns you aren’t aware of, which indeed might put them at greater risk if they’re exposed to those who are unvaccinated.

If it makes your nephew and his bride-to-be more comfortable to err on the side of extreme caution, you have no choice but to respect their choice.

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