Annie Lane: Struggles with being the other woman
Dear Annie: I am an attractive and well-educated divorced woman. Recently, a man whom I dated several years ago contacted me. We are both 70. Our reunion was great. We have been getting along very well and communicating daily ever since. We live across the country from each other. He invited me to his home, where I was his guest for three weeks. When we were alone, we had a wonderful time. We have great chemistry and enjoy each other’s company, sense of humor and personality. He tells me that he loves me. I love him, too.
My problem is that during my visit, it became apparent that he has numerous female “friends” (most single, some married) who are neighbors. He talked to them many times a day. They called constantly, and he took the calls privately. He even stopped in the middle of our being intimate to take calls from these women. He confides everything to them and refuses to say “no” to them.
On my last night with him, we had a romantic evening for just the two of us planned at home. He told his “harem” (as he calls his female friends) about our plans, and the women immediately told him they were coming over because they wanted to say goodbye to me. Instantly, his mob of postmenopausal women showed up. A married woman whose husband was out of town kissed my boyfriend on the lips several times, and he kissed her back, in front of me. This was very disrespectful, and it makes me wonder what they do when they are alone with each other, which they sometimes are. None of the women said “goodbye “ to me, which was their excuse for monopolizing our evening. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was just a power play on the women’s part, to keep my boyfriend and me from having a romantic last evening together.
After they left, I calmly complained to my boyfriend about how he and the married woman had kissed. He said that it was a “Southern thing” and that he was tired of our “discussions.” He said the married woman is a “wonderful Southern girl” and said I’d better get along with her because I’ll be seeing a lot of her. He berated me because I wanted to spend my last night alone with him and not drinking with the neighbor women.
I love my boyfriend and don’t want to lose him, but his female friends are his first priority, and it makes me feel as though my feelings and opinions mean nothing to him. This is the only thing we disagree on. How should I handle this situation?
— Cock of the Walk’s Chick
Dear Cock of the Walk’s Chick: I don’t see this proud peacock putting down his plumes any time soon. He seems to love strutting his stuff, lavished with female attention 24/7. More troubling than the flirtatious behavior is the way he reacted when you expressed your concern and frustration. Such dismissiveness shows a fundamental lack of respect for your feelings. If he’s not willing to hear you out and do what he can to make you more comfortable with his heavily female flock, then it’s time for you to fly the coop.
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