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The Wide Angle: Baseless professional sports predictions from a malcontent

I’ll be the first to admit that I have been neglecting the pro sports scene in Minnesota recently. Usually, in the past, I found time to watch the Twins after work or the Vikings on Sunday, but this year has been different.

I can also admit that for me, watching professional sports these days just isn’t the same — obviously. It’s hard to get into something when the crowd is digitally produced or the team is bad — Vikings.

Yes, I’m a fair-weather fan. Get over it.

Even still, I feel that it’s worth my time to give you the predictions you’ve so been craving. Hey, you started reading this column. That’s on you.

The Vikings did what now?

This weekend the 0-2 dysfunction that is the Vikings will play the 2-0 Titans. If we were to go on names alone, this would be pretty epic, but the last two games for our hapless raiders have been nothing less than disappointing, so the epicness of name-inspired battles is sucked out of the room.

Even still, the Vikings will come out and man-handle the Titans to the tune of 45-14. Dalvin Cook will run for 150 yards, three scores and Kirk Cousins will throw for 421 yards and two scores. The rest of the points will be made up of special teams and/or the number of rookies on the field.

From there the Vikings will storm through the season, surprising everybody they play, including rolling up Seattle.

In the meantime, the defense will stifle opposing teams because they will all start wondering where this Vikings team came from and start claiming voter fraud … oops, got my predictions mixed up. Sorry.

They will, however, fall short of a Super Bowl, because they just won’t be able to measure up to the three-time World Series champions and drop out on principal.

Settle down, the Twins are going to win what?

You heard me. Mark these years down: 1987, 1991, 2020. Go ahead and hang that banner now.

As of the time I wrote this — Thursday afternoon, Sept. 24, 2020 — the Twins were in front of the AL Central by a staggering half game over the Chicago White Sox.

Clutch hitting, stellar starting pitching and Byron Buxton not getting hurt (that’s for you Jason Baskin) are all going to contribute to a World Series run like no other.

Should they face Houston or the Yankees or whoever, it doesn’t matter. We’re talking sweeps here people.

The only challenge will come in the World Series itself where Kenta Maeda, who is inexplicably insulted that Jack Morris only went 10 innings to lead the Twins to its second title, will pitch all 15 innings against St. Louis in game seven, before demanding there is a Game 8 where he will pitch four innings of solid work to get the win.

St. Louis will be understandably confused, if not disappointed, to lose two titles to the Twins.

That’s right St. Louis, in your 1987 losing face.

I’ve dropped a mic. Why are you still here?