• 61°

The Wide Angle: That’s okay, I can drink my own water

A lot of my time these days is spent trying to understand the world around me, and just when I think I have something figured out, there are a million pictures of baby Yoda flooding the internet.

It’s not an easy thing to try to understand what’s going on anymore. It’s a complicated world we live in filled with bitter ideologies, harsh divides, climate change and memes of strange blond women yelling at cats.

I understand the latter at its base, I just don’t get why it’s still funny.

Either way, it’s complicated to live life when you’re worried about what you don’t understand from day to day. And I don’t understand much, as I’ve already indicated.

One of the things troubling my mind lately is why football players can’t drink their own water or Gatorade or whatever.

You see this often. The football college or NFL football player, standing triumphant on the sidelines after a long run, big fumble recovery or defining touchdown. A modern day gladiator, standing proud amongst the cries of the mob.

And then, somebody else tips a water bottle as the player opens his mouth, slightly askew because he can’t give up the stoic gaze across the field of battle.

I’ve watched football for years now and even played it for awhile until I realized that I would probably be destroyed if I continued. There are a lot of kids that have successful youth football careers who are smaller. I was not one of them.

For all the years I’ve watched football, this has bothered me the most because I’m petty. Grown men collide like freight trains over a ball, but somehow can’t be bothered to drink their own water.

You will see quarterbacks like Aaron Rogers taking thoughtful drinks of Gatorade from cups as he goes over what just happened in the series before.

Somehow, drinking out of a cup is more philosophical than a water bottle, especially if that water bottle is fed to you by some poor guy or woman who has to do the job.

“Your highness, your water bottle, and for the record, the unnecessary roughness call was totally not your fault.”

Because it’s never the player’s fault, unless you’re a lineman, then you just look at the giant screen and maybe flash a small grin beneath the hip, full beard that’s spilling out of your helmet.

“Yeah, I did that. Now give me some water little man and make sure to tip the bottle just right.”

Football is an incredibly manly sport and I understand the role of water personnel in this production. I just don’t get that in a game where players are forced to learn hundreds of plays and options, they just can’t say, “Hey, good hustle, but I can drink my own water.” Maybe there’s been drinking mishaps where a player has sprayed water all over their trendy face shield. I guess I can’t say for sure, but if I’m the coach, I’m a little worried that a man has to have water sprayed at him.

Of course, there’s a fantastic reason why I’m not a coach. I’m not good at football, so maybe I’m not qualified at dictating drinking habits of millionaires.