The Wide Angle: Getting through my longest day

Published 6:48 am Saturday, July 6, 2019

The other night I was laying in bed, thinking.

Not that I wanted to think. Three in the morning is not a time when anybody really wants to be thinking. They would rather be sleeping I should think.

But no, I was thinking about a variety of random things that had no bearing on anything and thus, I stared wide-eyed at the ceiling as lightning flashed across it.

Complicating this was the battle of choice ground with the enemy. The “choice ground” in this case being the bed and the “enemy” being Nemi.

Of all the mysteries of the world, one of those that will probably remain a deep mystery well past the Great Collapse will be how an 11-pound cat can displace a fully grown, if not mature, human male.

No matter what I did at the time, or will ever do, somehow I either end up chewing on my knees or both legs are splayed in a horrible angle off the bed.

I’ll tell you this right now. This is going to be a pretty weird column, which is saying something considering the subject matter of some of my other columns.

Part of this weirdness is attributed to the fact that I am on vacation. Or rather, coming to the end of vacation. Technically, I wrote this the day before I went on vacation, which contrary to the well-informed and accepted theory that the summer solstice is the longest day of the year, this is ACTUALLY the longest day of the year.

I’ve been at work already for a good 10 hours, which isn’t me bragging. Far from it. It’s just context, because I still had about two more to go before I went home to do laundry, had a beer and maybe played video games.

It’s a weird conjunction of time and space as I write this because as I put words to screen, the future has not been written, yet when you read this, those events will have passed.

Consider me Schrodinger’s Weirdo. As Schrodinger’s Box sought to prove that a cat put into a box with a slow release of poison is simultaneously alive and dead until observed — quantum physics, blah, blah, blah.

Schrodinger’s Weirdo states that I both did and did not play video games until you observed me doing one or the other. Of course none of you observed anything of the sort. Who’s weird now?

Man, I’m tired.

As I’ve stated, the day before going on vacation is just really, REALLY long, where as in comparison we’ll get unpacked at the site of said break only to realize that we have to pack again to come home.

Vacations are never long enough and the cats are kind of past rushing to the door in glad tidings when we return.

Our vacation spot is Park Rapids, Minnesota, at a resort called Isle O’Dreams on a lake called Bad Axe — best lake name ever.

I’ve come to realize over the years that a lot of people from this area go to this general area. Imagine my surprise, in fact, when former co-worker Deb Nicklay revealed she had also gone to the same resort for years.

Still, there are a lot of people who know where I go. Even recently-retired sheriff Terese Amazi now lives up in this general area, and if I can wing it, she has promised me a burger. Of course, if it’s anything like me promising her an apple pie — which I finally gave her this year — it will be about 10 years before I get that burger.

Fair is fair I guess.

Okay, you know what, I think we’ll bring this column to a close, because it’s crossing into rambling.

I’ll drop you all another line about what my vacation was like when I get back … or maybe not.

WHY IS THIS DAY SO LONG!?