Celebrating art with a laugh

Published 12:11 pm Saturday, March 31, 2018

The artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

Email newsletter signup

“That man was your doctor.”

Q: Why did Van Gogh become a painter?

A: Because he didn’t have an ear for music.
Q: Did you hear about the artist who died?

A: Too many strokes.
Q: How does Salvador Dali start his mornings?

A: With a bowl of “Surreal.”
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fish.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who stole all those paintings?

A: He tried to brush it off, but I think he was framed.
Q: What did the artist say to her rival?

A: I challenge you to a doodle!
Q: What do you call a painting by a cat?

A: A paw-trait.
A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How do poets say good-bye?

A: “I’d like to linger a little longer but it’s getting aliter-ate.”

Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.

“From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday, I intend reading it.” —The Book of Insults by Groucho Marx

“Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.” —Elvis Costello

Q: What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?

A: Ba-na-na-NAAA.

Q: What was stolen from the music store?

A: The lute.

Q: How do you make a million dollars playing jazz?

A: Start off with 2 million.

The composer Robert Schumann wrote at the beginning of one of his compositions: “To be played as fast as possible.” A few measures later he wrote: “Faster.”

Q: How many sound techs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: “One, two, one, two…”

Q: What’s the difference between terrorists and accordion players?

A: Terrorists have sympathizers.

Q: What’s the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?

A: About three decibels.

The Earth without art is just Eh. Happy April Fool’s Day!

Coming soon at the Paramount Theatre

•April 4: $5 Movie: “The Jazz Singer,” 3 and 7 p.m.

•April 6: Banjo Hour with Captain Gravitone, 7:30 p.m.

•April 11: $5 Movie: “The Breakfast Club,” 9:30 p.m.

•April 13-14: Matchbox Children’s Theatre, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”

Coming soon at the ArtWorks Center

•April 12: Handbuilding Coiled Vessels with Emily Wartsbaugh, 6 p.m.

•April 13: An Evening with James Wegner, 6:30 p.m.

•April 14: Family Art Studio, 1-3 p.m.