The Wide Angle: A struggle of mid-life crises — can’t afford one

Published 3:13 pm Saturday, February 3, 2018

It was my birthday Wednesday, something I’m still trying to come to terms with.

I turned 44, which is surprisingly hard to write considering the amount of things in my house that a 12-year-old would be impressed with.

In my struggles with maturity, I have enablers.

But, I have to deal with facts, especially in the face of not being able to do anything about it. I would love to turn back time, stay younger a little longer. Of course I would love to be rich as well so I could actually afford a legitimate mid-life crises instead of going to Walmart and buying a Hot Wheels Ferrari rather than the real thing.

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Life is unfair.

I thought about writing a column that would compare myself to those kids I cover almost on a nightly basis. A kind of, “when I was your age,” sort of thing, but then I thought it over.

I didn’t know the reporters and photographers from Adam when I was a teen, but I’m not too blind to understand that among the teens I cover, there are more than a few that would have no problems calling me “old man,” when they see me next.

I won’t give them the satisfaction.

Instead, I thought it was time for another installment of random thoughts.

I want stories about where I eat

Scanning through the Star Tribune Wednesday morning there was a story slugged “Justin Timberlake sightings” which went on to relate where he had eaten.

I want that kind of treatment. This seems to be the prime indicator of the rich and famous, as if their dollars are more magical than mine — which in reality, I suppose they are, but I’m already turning 44, I don’t need anymore depression in my life.

Still, seeing a random follower on Twitter tweet, “Eric Johnson seen eating at the 1910,” adds a certain established atmosphere don’t you think?

My time has come

On my birthday there was the second super full moon of the month conjoined with a luner eclipse.

My destiny is now and when I find out what that is I’ll let you know, but it had better involve a throne.

Just because

Just because I can and because I’m not celebrity enough to be able to say it on TV I’ll say it here. “Hi, mom! I made it.”

Whoever thought making it to work could be such an event.

We need to talk

Our government these days is a fun little lesson in irritation.

Much of the time it’s hard to take anything they say or do seriously especially when they display more childish tendencies than a kindergartner.

My apologies

My apologies to Woodson Kindergarten for the above comment. You and your students are clearly smarter and more organized than our current government and administration.

If only you could get Congress to settle down by holding a hand up and putting a finger to the lips in the universal sign of “shhhhhh.” Woodson clearly gets more done in a day.

Plus I would love to hear someone day to Paul Ryan and Chuck Schumer, “Criss-cross applesauce.”

If anybody can make this reality it’s Jessica Cabeen and the critters of Woodson.

Throw the ball already

Just about two weeks before pitchers and catchers report of spring training.

Baseball is the perfect sport just by virtue of food opportunities.

In one inning you have more than enough time to fire up the grill and cook a burger by the time a pitching change is over.

Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is this weekend. I know this because the Star Tribune may or may not have changed its name this week to the Minneapolis Star Tribune Tom Brady Eagles Suck

It’s not a bad name if a little long. For my own self I’m not that fired up about the Super Bowl and I’m not sure I would have even if the Vikings were involved.

It takes so long and I really don’t want to spend five plus hours watching everything to do with the game.

I suppose there are the commercials, but I doubt even one of them will report where I ate.

Spoiler alert: it will probably be the living room like any man who can’t afford a mid-life crisis.