Nuts — I’m still getting older

Published 7:01 am Sunday, February 5, 2017

Five days ago was my birthday — Jan. 31 if you have a mind to give me presents.

I’m now 43 which goes against my subconscious’ attempts at decreasing my age rather than increasing it.

For some reason or another, towards the end of 2016 I began referring to myself as a man nearing 42. That lasted until Facebook reminded me that I was indeed already 42 and nearing 43.

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Facebook is a jerk.

Long ago, sometime in my 30s, I started adopting my grandfather’s views on birthdays. It simply was another day.

Those really significant days, as I view them, were much earlier in life.

Wait, this is what I look like? Why didn’t anybody tell me?

Wait, this is what I look like? Why didn’t anybody tell me?

Fifteen: Driving permit.

Sixteen: Driver’s license.

Eighteen: Lottery tickets.

Twenty: One year before drinking legally.

Twenty-One: Drinking legally (though admittedly not so special because, let’s face it I was in college and had been drinking already — I knew people).

Forty-three, however is not really a significant milestone as milestones go. It is simply one year removed from 42 and 43. If anything it moves the needle one notch closer to 45 which is not far from … you know what, you get the point.

The real significant moment in my life came two days before my birthday when on the Sunday before I donned for the first time in my life my first pair of glasses.

It’s a worrying time in my life. Surprisingly, I was worried about the glasses themselves. My dad wears them, my mom wears them and now I wear them. That makes me a four-eyed Jedi.

I had fought the idea though for several reasons — none of which were my looks. I found, when I was looking for frames I really didn’t care, only that they not have thick frames that stood the things out as a fashion statement. I just wanted glasses that fit and let me see things.

As it turns out, my vision wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Reading hasn’t been a problem but distance was. Honestly, I’m surprised the DMV hasn’t called me out yet. I probably should have had glasses a long time back.

The problem really comes into it when you consider my history of sunglasses. A very, very poor history.

I’ve never gone out and looked for a really good expensive pair of sunglasses because I have a habit of losing them or breaking them or scratching them. Sure the super-nifty glasses are supposed to be resilient to them, but they underestimate my power.

Mostly, however, it’s the losing and breaking them that’s really been my problem area.

They routinely fall from their perch on my head when not actually wearing them, inevitably scratching or breaking the lens clear out. I try to continue using them but the scratches they usually acquire are typically right over one eye or the other. I can’t tell you how much I hate that.

That’s my fear with these glasses. These are not something I replace by going back to a convenience store. Granted I have a year warranty, but then I’m paying more than $15 dollars.

Still, I suppose it could be worse. I don’t need bifocals yet and they aren’t thicker than pop bottles.

I’m looking forward to one milestone yet. Using tape when they do break for the first time.