“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is perhaps the most misunderstood Yuletide song of all. For starters people believe the twelve days are the ones leading up to Christmas, where instead they are describing the twelve days following Christmas.

If all the gifts were tallied up, there would be a total of 364 and by this year’s reckoning would cost somewhere around $107,000. (Personally I’m thinking that such an astronomical figure was reached because of having to pay a bundle to those twelve lords to get them to leap!)

But, even more confusing than the days and number of gifts, are the gifts themselves. Like who knew that the “four calling birds” didn’t call at all? Instead they are “four colly birds” which when translated means blackbirds. (Why not, then, just call them what they are — four “cawing” birds — because blackbirds do that? They caw!)

And why would the gift giver jump from giving her four birds to giving her “five golden rings?” Well, it’s not because he plans to put one on each finger of his true love’s left hand. No, no! What he’s really talking about is giving her five ring-necked pheasants. You see, it’s all about birds, the first seven gifts being foul. That’s a whole lot of birds when you consider all the other stuff she needs to find places for. She’d be better off marrying someone less generous; someone like Scrooge!

The Australians have their own version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” All of the animals are replaced by wildlife from down under. This is not a bad idea for the kangaroo could, after all, stash some of the poor girl’s unwanted loot in their pouches. Like hopping storage containers!

“Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” is simply too many words, so the song’s title “was shortened to “The Christmas Song.” Its inception happened during a miserably sweltering heat wave in 1945. Seeking relief, a sweating Mel Torme and Bob Wells decided that the best way to get cool was to think cool. Thereby, Bob began writing down things like “Jack Frost nipping at your nose” and rhyming it with “folks dressed up like Eskimos.” Little did he realize he was composing a song. Forty minutes later the duo finished what was to become the most-performed Christmas song of the last century.

A year later, Nat King Cole was one of the first to record the song. In the original recording, he mistakenly sang, “To see if reindeers really know how to fly.” The song had already become a seasonal hit when Torme and Wells pointed out the grammatical error. A dogged perfectionist, Nat redid the recording by properly pronouncing “reindeer.” That first recording has become a collector’s item.

Cole’s version of “The Christmas Song” was the first holiday standard every introduced by a black American. It opened the doors for Lou Rawls, Ray Charles and many others to record their own takes of the Yuletide classics.

Jay Livingston and Ray Evans composed the holiday classic, “Silver Bells.” It was originally entitled “Tinkle Bells,” but was renamed when Livingston’s wife insisted they change it. No way, she exclaimed, could they have a Christmas song with a synonym for urination in its title!

“Let It Snow” has made it into the Christmas cannon despite the fact that Christmas is never once mentioned in the song. It was composed by two Jewish songwriters, Jule Styne and Sammy Cahn. I’ll bet you the farm that they did not mean for it to be sung around a Christmas tree, but rather around a lighted menorah encircled by latkes, matzoh ball soup and a big pan of kugel. Mazel Tov!

Another Jewish composer, Johnny Marks, wrote “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” and “Holly Jolly Christmas.” What is it, anyway, with these talented mensch writing for the gentiles’ favorite holiday? But aren’t we glad they did? I do wonder, however, if their mothers knew what their boys were up to?