QUESTION: Are there ideas for reducing the stress I know is coming during the holidays?

ANSWER: Holiday gatherings have all the elements for the “perfect storm” for children: lots of people jammed together, a noisy atmosphere with lots of commotion and little structure, too much sugar and not enough sleep, the excitement of special activities and even gifts. Be proactive at creating an environment that helps your children cope well during the holiday season.

Set clear expectations repeatedly. Let your children know ahead of time when the big events are and how long they will last, who is going to be at any gathering, what time you are going to eat, when you are going to open presents. Tell them a day ahead and review it all right before it happens. Eliminate the surprises.

Plan for the down time your kids need. Find a room, even a bedroom, where they can get away to do something they enjoy — building with Lego blocks, playing a digital game, listening to music, reading a book, doing some art work. Perhaps a relative can take a child out for some one-on-one time.

Give your children specific jobs and responsibilities so they can have a focus, help out and feel valuable. Can they help cook, greet guests, hang lights with an adult, create decorations, take care of a younger child?

Maintain perspective and expect imperfection. There is a lot of excitement and kids are kids. There is the plan and then there is what happens. Yes, there are traditions; however, every year has its own imperfections and memories.

Remember to think about you. When you think about the season, what is really special for you? Put energy into making it happen. Do you need some alone time? Do you cherish conversation time with a special relative? Do you want to attend a church service? Everyone doesn’t need to be involved. It it’s especially important to you, make sure you make arrangements so you can do it.

If you would like to talk about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Linea de Apoyo at 1-877-434-9528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org and the Celebrating Calm CD (Kirk Martin) at the PRC Specialty Library (105 First Street SE, Austin)