The lessons of political brochures

Published 9:06 am Wednesday, October 27, 2010

It’s getting intense out there and Election Day, Nov. 2, can’t come too soon, I think.

Somebody slipped a political brochure under my door while I was asleep last night at Pickett Place. It was a short spelling lesson:

It read: “The last four letters in American… I Can.

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The last four letters in Republican… I Can.

The last four letters in Democrats… Rats.

End of lesson.

Remember, November is to be set aside as rodent extermination month.”

Obviously an act of desperation by local Republicans. I tossed it away and went back to carving a pumpkin for the grandchildren’s Halloween visit. Suddenly, the fumes became too much for me and I heard voices.

T’was the night before elections

And all through the town

Tempers were flaring

Emotions all up and down

Sparks couldn’t get it lit

Green was having a fit

Amazi was about to cry

Ellis wouldn’t lie

Hillier locked himself in his room

Reinartz could spell doom

Lang laid low in Dutch Town.

Not easy would Bennett go down

Stiehm was getting steamed

Clennon acted so serene

Council incumbents didn’t know what to say

Their challengers wouldn’t go away

The “Yes” committee prayed for no levy mistake

Quality education was at stake

Changes to charter don’t matter

When the status quo could shatter.

I, in my boxers

With the remote in my lap

Had cut off the TV

Tired of political clap-trap

When all of a sudden

There arose such a noise

I peered out my window

Saw Walz and his boys

Demmer arrived in a combine

They all wanted my last dime

For another commercial, brochure or ad

It all made me feel so sad.

I backed to the window and dropped my Underoos

Gave them an eclipse of the moons they would never forget.

All right, all right …… no more beating around the bush. Here are Swami Bonorden’s election predictions in a few selected races, which have sparked the most interest.

Remember they do not reflect the views of the Austin Daily Herald and I may have forgotten to take my medications today:

Walz over Demmer. Nobody works harder for veterans than the Democrat.

Sparks over Green. Sorry, Kathy. Dan is getting better with every term in office.

Stiehm over Clennon although this could be a close race.

Reinartz over Hillier. The jail and justice center issue raises its ugly head and the 3rd District voters just want a change.

And ….

Amazi over Ellis despite the deputy’s hard-fought campaign. Where did he get all that money for radio ads, a billboard and the rest? Many supporters, perhaps, in and out of law enforcement. He must make the sheriff feel nervous. If the deputy wins, the sheriff is out of work. If the sheriff wins, the deputy – by law – keeps his job, but, Oh boy! I just wish reporters had probed deeper into the Waltham incident, where Ellis and his super dog Tazer were accused of over-reacting in the arrest of a hapless soul by the name of Musolf. Remember the lawsuit against Ellis. Remember that the deputy was hung out to defend himself. It’s all part of the public record.

Mower County has a history of interesting county sheriff races: Bartlett vs. Goodnature, Goodnature vs. Simonson, etc.

This one is no exception.