Please forget I wrote this

Published 9:26 am Friday, April 3, 2009

Let’s see … all semi-quiet on the Mower County Jail and Justice Center front. The sound of large rocks being broken into small rocks, but no petitions filed this week from angry taxpayers.

There was one call from a poor, misguided soul, who said tearing down the Robbins block buildings should not be called “downtown economic development.”

Oh, yeah. Well you just wait and see, when Christmas in the County Jail debuts in a couple of years with its Adopt a Felon and jail cell decorating contests.

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Ho, hum. The Austin fire chief still makes headlines, and he’s not even at the meeting.

How about some Obama jokes?

I intercepted a letter to the President and want to share it with you:

Dear President Obama,

Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know the ones down the street who in the good times refinanced their house several times and bought SUVs, ATVs, RVs, a pool, a big screen, two Wave Runners and a Harley.

But I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then?

P.S. They also need help with their credit cards. When do you want me to start making those payments?

P.P.S. I almost forgot — they didn’t file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?

Sincerely Your Friend,

I. M. Scrued

Who let the Republican in the newsroom to write this column?

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the Marine One helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared-away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says:

“Nice pigs, Sir.”

The President replies: “These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.

I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.”

The squared-away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says:

“Excellent trade, sir.”

That’s not funny, Jar Head. Take that back immediately.

And from an eyewitness on North Main Street comes this:

“If the city really wants to raise money in these tough times, all they have to do is start ticketing people who run stop signs and stop lights.   I counted 20 stop sign runners last week alone and two women who stopped at red lights on Main, watched a car go through the opposite way on the green and then drove straight through the red. Two separate occasions no less.”

There’s a place for people like that, who break the law with no concern about punishment, and it’s not jail.

Let’s all take a test: In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They are: A. Apple; B. Banana; C. Strawberry; D. Peach; E. Orange

Which fruit will you choose? Please think very carefully and don’t rush into it. This is great, I was astounded.

Your choice reveals a lot about you!

Test results show if you have chosen:

A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples.

B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas.

C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries.

D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches.

E. Orange : That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges.

Wait a minute … it’s not April Fools Day. I forgot to change my calendar.

Forget I wrote this.