Simple solutions can be found

Published 12:00 am Thursday, March 13, 2003

Let's see … who to pick on this week?

When President Bush addressed the nation after the 9/11 terrorists attacks on America he quoted from the Bible's 23rd Psalm.

The President was praying for America, but children aren't allowed to pray for anything in schools.

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There's something wrong with that hypocrisy but I can't quite figure it out.

Natural gas prices are surging and utility companies must pass along their expenses to customers.

That much I understand.

A municipal utility company is a not-for-profit business. It makes enough to get by.

I just think these municipal utilities would have more credibility if they would post the rates customers pay for gas, electricity and water on the bills with the rates paid a year ago.

Personally, I would find it more enlightening than a newsletter telling me how to screw in a light bulb or some other such less-than-essential advice.

Want to take a bite out of crime? Put the pictures of all suspects arrested on a jumbotron screen over the courthouse, so residents can see what their neighbors have been up to lately. Humiliate them.

Worried about the huge state deficit? Ground all those politicians' plans and tell them to stay in St. Paul until they've got a plan. That's why we elected them: to represent us and make decisions. We'll let you know at the next election whether we liked your plan and the decision you made.

The jail over-crowding issue is real. Prisoners need their space. They've never eaten better. They have somebody do their laundry, they sleep in beds, get free medical care and all the magazines they can read. Radios and TV, too.

Going to jail is like being a teenager all over again.

But the politicians say this is cruel and inhumane treatment and a jail built to house 72 people is too small, so only 45 people can spend the night there.

Now, consultants say we will need 120 beds soon, but some people are wondering if the county commissioners can make a decision to do that.

I say send one prisoner home each night with a Mower County Commissioner and see how long it takes them to act.

Sexual orientation is getting crazier all the time. How do you tell some people apart?

I say follow the example of a 3-year-old boy and his father, who

stopped to look at a box of kittens the neighbor was giving away.

On returning home, the little boy breathlessly told his mother that there were three boy kittens and two girl kittens in the box he saw next door.

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," the boy said. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Attention all grandparents: do not get separated from your grandchildren at the shopping mall.

It happened to a friend of mine out with his little boy. The boy wandered off and was smart enough to walk up to a policeman and tell him, "I lost my Grandpa!"

The policeman asked the little boy, "What's he like?"

The boy replied, "Beer and women."

Lee Bonorden can be contacted at 434-2232 or by e-mail at