Dreams are not that far away

Published 12:00 am Thursday, February 6, 2003

With apologies to the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I had a dream too.

I had a dream, that Dick Lang, the former Austin City Council Member, was elected to the Mower County Board and the first thing he did was propose hanging planters full of flowers on poles at every intersection in rural Mower County. He called it an "economic stimulus package."

I had a dream Austin High School principal Joe Brown proposed not printing the honor roll of students, who are top academicians. He said it was prejudicial to all the other students, who didn't get good grades. Instead, he wanted to print a list of all the students who had the neatest lockers.

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I had a dream that the Austin City Council tried a new form of government, where nobody reported to anybody and still they ran a pretty good city by themselves.

I had a dream the entire Minnesota Legislature decided to work for nothing in order to reduce the state deficit instead of freezing public employees' salaries.

I had a dream that former Governor Jesse Ventura confessed "SPAM made me do it" in a tell-all book about being Governor of Minnesota.

I had a dream that a UFO landed in Adams late one night and aliens left the spacecraft and walked into the Legion Post and nobody noticed.

I had a dream that former Mower County Commissioner Len Miller, who lost a reelection bid, in part, because of criticism about collecting too much per diem, won a free trip to Disney World and got a job as a greeter.

I had a dream that Mower County Sheriff Terese Amazi hired former Sheriff Barry Simonson as an undercover recreational vehicle driver and he busted a ring of frisky senior citizens caught showering in the RV at a rest stop outside of Tucson.

I had a dream the Shooting Star recreation trail was completed only to discover it circled back from Taopi to LeRoy.

I had a dream the Cedar River SPAMTOWN USA Freedom Fest in the Heartland Heart of America Festival was canceled because the name wouldn't fit on advertising.

I had a dream Spruce Up Austin, Inc. announced its latest project: trees in the middle of baseball and softball diamonds.

I had a dream former Mower County Attorney Patrick A. Oman, who lost a bitter election to Patrick W. Flanagan, took the high road and blamed the loss on "mischievous tiny green leprechauns, who told Irish jokes and confused him."

I had a dream new Mower County Attorney Patrick W. Flanagan announced, "There are no such things as mischievous tiny green leprechauns, but there are Irish jokes and I can prove it."

I had a dream that 50 husbands ran away when they arrived home one night and were greeted by a delicious meal and wives who had fresh makeup, wore slinky dresses and greeted them with a warm smile. The husbands were last seen yelling, "I walked into the wrong house. That's not my wife. She never looked that good."

I had a dream those same 50 wives went out for a delicious meal wearing fresh makeup and slinky dresses and smiling warm smiles with other men that night in order to get a second opinion.

Lee Bonorden can be contacted at 434-2232 or by e-mail at :mailto:lee.bonorden@austindailyherald.com