Inquiring minds want to know

Published 12:00 am Thursday, September 19, 2002

It's time to answer a few letters, e-mails and telephone messages:

What's going on? It's been three weeks since you wrote a Thursday column and I can't get to sleep. Write something, so I can go to sleep Thursday nights. Or have you lost the touch?

-- Sleepless in Stacyville

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Dear Sleepless: I've been writing columns for so long, that I can do it in my sleep. At least that's what I told the boss I was doing when he stopped by my desk and woke me.

-- L.B.

I heard you was fired and replaced by a seeing eye dog that can drive a car and type and spell.

-- Angry Angus in Adams

Dear Angry: Just when I thought it was safe to visit the Adams Legion chicken fry again, I get a threatening letter like this. Where is Gordie Briggs when I need him?

-- L.B.

Are you still riding that bike of yours?

-- Rowdy in Racine

Dear Rowdy: Every day, two miles each way to work and home again. I have changed my route. I used to pedal by Queen of Angels, but now that school has started, it's become too dangerous. There's this old geezer driving some rust-bucket of a pickup truck who apparently thinks bicyclists are hood ornaments.

What did you think of the 9/11 tribute at Southland?

-- Proud in Taopi

Dear Proud: It was a classy, emotional affair. You can't say anything bad about Post No. 146 and the Southland school officials. That's where American pride grows: Small town USA. The only possible fly in the ointment came when they introduced the mayors

in the school district and skipped one. I thought Ray Tucker was the mayor of Renova? Sam Mullenbach of Johnsburg gets a flag, but Mayor Tucker got nothing.

-- L.B,

Are you going to endorse any candidates for political office this year?

--Loony in LeRoy

Dear Loony: They don't call you loony for nothin', do they? Me endorse candidates? It would be the kiss of death. I will only say "Vote early and vote often for Tom Mullenbach for County Sheriff."

-- L.B.

What is this? I read in the paper about Mower County having a $349 million fund balance? You wrote it.

-- Bent Out Of Shape in Brownsdale

Dear Bent: I can explain that. That is what they call a mistake. Everybody knows, the county's reserves are only $34 million. That other figure is the per diem budget for the county commissioners.

-- L.B.

I waved at you the other day and you just walked on by. Can you see any better?

-- Four-Eyes in Dexter

Dear Four-Eyes:

It's about the same. The other day I got arrested for soliciting a telephone pole in Sargeant. I told the deputy it was all a mistake. I thought I was in Waltham.

-- L.B.

What do you think of the new stretch of Shooting Star recreation trail between LeRoy and Taopi?

-- Sassy in Grand Meadow

Dear Sassy: I put my special agent, Harlan "End Zone Adams' grandpa" Boe to work on this. Here is his report: "I went for a walk the other evening and tried out the new bike trail. It was a very nice walk. Smooth. No holes for me not to see and very easy to walk compared to crushed rock or grass under your feet. In fact, it felt so good I never thought once about how foolish it was to have it or how much it cost or all the mistakes they are suspected to have made, when they planned it."

That's an honest report. In fact, Mr. Boe said after walking the trail his back stopped aching. I'm gong to try that after the next County Board meeting and see if that pain in my lower back goes away.

-- L.B.

Lee Bonorden can be reached at 434-2232 or by e-mail at