Getting down and dirty with the reader mail bag

Published 12:00 am Thursday, April 1, 1999

It’s time to open the mail bag and answer readers’ queries again.

Thursday, April 01, 1999

It’s time to open the mail bag and answer readers’ queries again.

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How are you and the county sheriff getting along? -Curious in Lyle.

Dear Curious: People keep asking me this question wherever I go and I would like to say this about that: he can run, but he can’t hide. – L.B.

There’s a lot of pie-throwing going on. Even Governor Ventura was a target of one. What’s your favorite pie? – Pie-eyed in Grand Meadow.

Dear Pie-eyed: I had nothing to do with the pie-throwing incidents. If it was me it would not have been my favorite: cherry. It would probably be a mince meat pie. I never did like them. – L.B.

What’s this on the front page of the Herald? Now, we have county commissioners writing news about themselves. I thought that was your job. Are you getting lazy or something? – Lucky in LeRoy.

Dear Lucky: I resent the implication that I’m getting lazy. Personally, I’m glad to see two of our commissioners doing something important for a change like writing about themselves. – L.B.

I’m a sixth grade student and I want to know how to become a newspaper reporter. Can you help me? -Ambitious in Sargeant.

Dear Ambitious: First, you must learn how to read and write. Then you have to acquire a good pen and notebook. Finally, you have to develop the ability to go to long, boring meetings and sleep with your eyes open. I can do one of the three. – L.B.

I see you got in trouble with the Austin superintendent and school board. Tell me about it. – Wondering in Waltham.

Dear Wondering: First, you will have to explain to me the difference between the superintendent and the Austin school board. I’m still not sure who’s in charge. – L.B.

I saw you in LeRoy the other night at the high school. What were you doing there? Were you lost or something? – Tickled in Taopi.

Dear Tickled: No, I was not lost. I was a guest at the LeRoy- Ostrander High School FFA banquet. They gave me an Honorary Farmer Degree, which entitles me to drive a pickup truck, wear a seed corn company cap and hang out at the Farm Service Agency office, when it rains. – L.B.

I got a chuckle out of your boy calling you "Double Nickel," when you reached 55. Got any retirement plans? – Retired in Racine.

Dear Retired: Yes, I do, but I’m too young to realize my ambitions. When I get older and ready to retire, I plan to become an accountant in the Austin Public Schools. – L.B.

How come you haven’t been back to the world-famous Adams American Legion Chicken Fry? – Angry in Adams.

Dear Angry: I’m jinxed. I wrote about it and after the story appeared in the Herald, they ran out of chicken one night. Fred Harvey was fried, when he saw all the people there. Of course, I just know Police Chief Gordie Briggs is waiting to bust me again and Tom Mullenbach is getting tired of all those "Saint Thomas" jokes. Then, I not only misspell Dorothy Smith’s daughter’s name, but I refer to her as a "housewife" and get in trouble for that, too. If Byron Huseby will be my body guard, I may go back one of these Saturday nights. – L.B.

How dare you call Dexter "Little Chicago!" That was a long time ago and we’re a different town now. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is a fine, decent community. – Down and Dirty in Dexter.

Dear Down and Dirty: Well, the words were spelled correctly, so I know Bubba didn’t write this one. The reference to "Little Chicago" came from one of your own. Personally, Dexter is one of my favorite towns and I’m looking forward to staying at the Tucker Hotel and Casino when it opens. – L.B.

What did it take to get you to say all those nice things about the Rose Creek Study Club? You must have been bribed. – Relentless in Rose Creek.

Dear Relentless: All it took was an invitation, Relentless. Now, get off your high horse and go plant potatoes on Good Friday. – L.B.

Who was that lady I saw you with the other day? – Bummed-Out in Brownsdale.

Dear Bummed-Out: That was no lady. That was Sara Hines, an Austin High School student, who was shadowing me for a day as part of an Austin High School project. She’s Chuck and Pam’s daughter and Ryan and Peter’s sister. We used to be neighbors and she’s one of the Austin Public Schools students that I’m concerned about, during all this craziness going on in the school system. If we don’t get care of our kids all the time everywhere today, who’s going to take care of the world tomorrow? – L.B.

Lee Bonorden’s column appears Thursdays