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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

What’s wrong with you?

I forgot to take my stupid pills this morning.

Don’t worry, it doesn’t show.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. My family used to go for drives without a stated destination or predetermined route. It was a way of saying I love you without saying, “I love you.”

A fellow who lives in a city told me there had been a dead skunk in the middle of the street going past his house. It had been there for some time. He wondered why no one had removed it. I told him that the police needed to notify the skunk’s next of kin first.

Overheard at St. Menard’s Hardware store

I’m looking for some wallpaper.

We have a wide selection.

I’d like some I could put on myself.

OK, but if I could give you a little advice, it would look much better on a wall.

I’ve learned

The longest-running license plate design in the United States is Wyoming’s “Bucking Horse and Rider,” which has been in continuous use since 1936.

Tall people sleep longer in bed.

Minnesota mosquitoes are big. One bit my car, and the vehicle swelled up so much that it wouldn’t fit into the garage.

Being an adult is learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

A learn-it-all will always be better than a know-it-all.

Bad Jokes Department

I was sitting on the sofa watching TV, when my wife yelled, “Do you ever get pains in the chest like someone’s got a voodoo doll and they’re sticking pins in it?”

I replied, “No.”

Then she asked, “How about now?”

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Mark Twain died on April 21, 1910. Shania Twain was born on August 28, 1965. Never the Twain shall meet.

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The woman was a romantic at heart and decided to text her husband while she was working out of town. She texted: ”If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”

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My wife is mad because I’ve never bought her flowers. I never even knew she sold flowers.

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My grandfather raised a field of popcorn one year. The weather turned so hot that the popcorn popped on the ear. The air was filled with so much popcorn that it looked like a blizzard. His cows saw that, stopped in their tracks, and froze to death.

Nature notes

Woodpeckers are considered keystone species because of their broad effects on other species. They create cavities that other species use, aid in controlling forest insects, and may help disperse spores of fungi that are agents of decay.

A keystone species is one that has a disproportionately large effect on the communities in which it lives. The term was coined by American zoologist Robert T. Paine in 1969 and refers to the practice of using a wedge-shaped stone to support the top of an arch in a bridge or other construction.

I enjoy seeing Jack-in-the-pulpits in the woods. The plant has both male and female parts, and can change gender from year to year in response to successful (or failed) reproduction the previous year. Small flies pollinate it. The Jack-in-the-pulpit is native to the lower 48 states and parts of Canada. Some birds and mammals eat the berries of this plant, but humans should not. Native Americans harvested the roots for food, but the plant contains calcium oxalate crystals that cause blisters and painful irritations when eaten raw.

Both the male and female ticks feed on blood by inserting their barbed, straw-like mouthparts into the skin of their host, but only the female ticks drink to the point that they become engorged. Ticks don’t jump and they can’t fly, because they don’t have wings.

They cling to grasses and to anything that passes by questing, which means clutching grass or leaves with their rear legs and stretching out their front legs to grab onto a host. Female ticks require a blood meal to support the reproductive process.

Only the female mosquitoes bite because blood provides the perfect package of nutrients necessary for their developing eggs. Males aren’t capable of biting because they lack the specific mouthparts necessary for piercing skin. Male mosquitoes are pollinators that feast on flower nectar.

Meeting adjourned

“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness.”—Audrey Hepburn.