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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

My doctor says my problem is caused by TMB.

Oh, no! What’s TMB?

Too Many Birthdays.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. Grandma told it like it was, back when there were more coin-operated ponies than premium car washes. She read the newspaper obits aloud to rein in her rambunctious grandchildren. No one died of eating sushi from a gas station in Wyoming, but I noticed that lots of people died while surrounded by loved ones. I’d hoped that wasn’t what caused them to shuffle off this mortal coil.

You know it’s a distress signal, but what does SOS stand for? Many people think it’s an abbreviation for “save our souls” or “save our ship.” In reality, “save our souls” and “save our ship” are backronyms. A backronym is an existing word made into an acronym by creating an apt phrase whose initial letters spell the word to make it memorable or explain its origin. The letters are a continuous Morse code string of three dots, three dashes, and three dots all run together with no spaces or full stops (…—…). Since three dots form the letter “S” and three dashes form an “O” in International Morse Code, the signal came to be called an “SOS” for the sake of convenience.

I’ve learned

People would have more to worry about if spiders had wings.

Everything bagels aren’t everything to everybody.

A college roommate of mine inherited his stringed instrument from his grandfather. He was the first person I ever knew who played the heir guitar.

Flushing, New York, should celebrate one day a year in honor of the Norwegian fellow who invented the toilet seat. Then, they could celebrate the next day in honor of the Swede who thought of cutting a hole in it.

Disproving disinformation takes longer than it does to invent it.

Life is too short to make sure your socks match.

Wander Woman is a superhero with no sense of direction.

Montana is the only state without a law banning texting while driving.

Bad jokes department

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a skunk? A smell that you will never forget.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe!

Where do you see yourself in five years? In mirrors.

If a parsley farmer loses a lawsuit, can his wages be garnished?

I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a doctor, but a security guard knew I wasn’t the real McCoy.

I’m not using Amazon anymore. I ordered grain for my chickens, but after I got it, they sent me an email asking for my feedback.

Nature notes

Larry Friedrich of St. Peter asked if grape jelly is bad for orioles. I’m aware of no scientific studies done to confirm whether jelly is good or bad for the lovely orioles. I put out orange slices, sliced purple grapes and grape jelly for them. Robins, brown thrashers, house finches, cardinals, scarlet tanagers, hummingbirds, Cape May warblers, downy and red-bellied woodpeckers, and other birds with sweet beaks also eat grape jelly. Chipmunks love the stuff. The orioles in my yard readily feed on suet in the spring. It’s a good idea to feed grape jelly in limited amounts, as moderation is good for all of us, and it keeps hummingbirds from becoming stuck in the jelly. You could stretch your grape jelly budget by combining one part grape jelly with one part water and mixing it to the consistency of a thick juice. Grape jelly is best if it doesn’t contain artificial coloring, other additives or corn fructose. Homemade jelly or bird store grape jelly created for wild birds doesn’t contain high fructose corn syrup. Avoid offering any sugar-free options. I’ve fed orange marmalade and red cherry, strawberry, blackberry and raspberry jellies to orioles without a single complaint on a comment card. For those uncomfortable with feeding grape jelly to the orioles, slice an orange in half and place it on a platform feeder or impale it on a special feeder. Placing sliced purple grapes on a platform feeder might be appreciated.

A reader asked, “What was the first bird you ever looked at through binoculars?” They weren’t really binoculars, but I think it was a turkey vulture I saw through my Grandma Cook’s opera glasses. She had used them to watch the Metropolitan Opera on the radio. They gave me class. I’m sure the vulture was impressed.

Meeting adjourned

“A year from now, you might wish you had started today.”—Karen Lamb. Be kind.