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Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

You know how in sports, competitors toss the ball to the fans after a victory?

Yes, but you’re not supposed to do that in bowling.

I know that now.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. I picked up sticks. That job done, I picked up more sticks. If you live amongst the trees in a windy location, picking up sticks is an endless job. I loaded 16 tons and what did I get? Another day older and deeper in debt. Thank you, Tennessee Ernie Ford, for that useful song.

Bad jokes department

If you think your refrigerator collecting data and the TV spying on you is terrible, remember that the vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

What do you call a hen that can count its own eggs? A mathemachicken

Why did the cat cross the road? Because the chicken had a laser pointer.

—————

Bouncer: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Man: “Why?”

Bouncer: “Because I have no idea who you are, and this is my trampoline.”

————-

Bacon and eggs walked into a bar.

The bartender said, “Get out of here! We don’t serve breakfast!”

I’ve learned

I took a geology class where I learned that the most common rock in the world is a leaverite. If you see one, you leave ‘er right where it is.

Former Federal Reserve head Alan Greenspan said men’s underwear sales were a key economic predictor. When economic anxiety is pervasive (a recession), men don’t replace their underwear. My wife would claim that we’ve been in a recession all our married lives.

My cousin is a famous archaeologist who found the largest known dinosaur tibia ever. It was a big shin dig.

If the Earth is flat, it’s because its water isn’t carbonated.

The price tag on a Hermes Birkin bag was $350,000. That’s for one handbag, not the company. When will the suffering of the ultrarich end?

I read in bed, which makes me a librocubicularist. This word is a combination of the Latin words “liber” (book) and “cubiculum” (bedroom), and was coined by Christopher Morley in his 1919 novel, “The Haunted Bookshop.”

A wet basement is no Bay of Funday.

Green Bay is known as the “toilet paper capital of the world” because the first splinter-free toilet paper was produced there in 1935.

Ask Al

“What exactly is pop music?” It’s the sound bubble wrap makes when you step on it.

“Where do you get your ideas?” Dollar Tree.

“Are owls really wise?” I grew up with a great horned owl. True story. It was easier in those days for an owl to adopt a boy. She wasn’t that smart, but she recited a lot of poetry, which made her seem wise.

“Where do lost TV remotes go?” To a remote island in the South Pacific.

Nature notes

A robin sang in the rain, polishing my day. Why did it sing in the falling moisture? Why not? We sing in the shower. The robin was singing in a shower. What does it mean when a bird sings in the rain? It’s said to indicate that fair weather is approaching. That makes sense. My experience is that the rain always stops, and eventually, fair weather magically appears. A robin may sing to defend its territory or because it enjoys “Singin’ in the Rain,” a 1952 musical and romantic comedy film starring Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor and Debbie Reynolds. I find comfort in the robin’s rain song. I’ve used this written by Robert Louis Stevenson in eulogies: “Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.”

Among the earliest to bloom in spring, woodland wildflowers have value for pollinators when food is scarce. Spring ephemerals bloom, are pollinated and produce seed during a small window of time between snowmelt and leaf-out. Ephemerals are hearts drawn in the sand and quickly give way to more shade-tolerant flowers.

The cracks in the sidewalk showed many small, volcanic-like mounds of soil. Pavement ants are tiny ants about 1/8th inch long and are dark brown to black. The name for this ant comes from its habit of nesting under sidewalks and driveways, and piling the dirt removed from the nest in a mound on top of the pavement.

Meeting adjourned

“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining—they just shine.”—Dwight L. Moody. Be kind.