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Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

Do you get a deer license each year?

I don’t hunt for deer.

Why not?

I figure if a deer loses something, it can hunt for it by itself.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. I was turning the yellowed pages of a book to see if its wondrous words were worth donating to a library for its book sale. I remembered the comfort that book had brought me while I was growing up on a dairy farm. I enjoyed milking cows. In the barn, I could read a book, listen to the radio, and do my persistent chores at the same time. The cows were Holsteins, the radio was a Philco AM-only wooden console, and I was happy.

I found myself in Stanton, Iowa. It wasn’t hard for me to find me. I knew right where I was. It’s a gift. I saw the largest Swedish coffee pot in the world (it could hold 640,000 cups of coffee) and the world’s largest coffee cup and saucer, which serves as a water tower and is capable of holding 2.4 million cups of coffee. Why all that coffee? It was in honor of Virginia Christine, who was born in Stanton and portrayed Mrs. Olson in Folger’s Coffee TV commercials for 21 years. She played a smiling, Swedish woman ready to bring happiness to a young married couple by giving the bride a can of Mountain Grown Folger’s Coffee. A single cup of it restored marital bliss.

I drove through Brewster, Nebraska, in the rural charm of the Sandhills. It’s the county seat of Blaine County. Brewster has a population of 12, and Blaine County 431. I didn’t count them. Brewster had the county courthouse, a couple of churches (UCC and Lutheran) and Uncle Buck’s Lodge scattered throughout the 12 people.

I’ve learned

The research team of personal injury lawyers at Osborne & Francis analyzed the drivers of all the US states based on six key factors, including crashes caused by distracted drivers, drunk driving fatalities and arrests, speeding, low seat belt use, and the number of uninsured drivers. Those components showed where operators are more likely to break the rules and make the roads more dangerous. New Mexico exhibited the worst behavior, followed by Wyoming, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas and South Dakota. The best behavior was found in Minnesota drivers, followed by New Jersey, Iowa, New York and Utah.

If you don’t like the way your lawn looks, cover it with disabled lawnmowers.

Bill Withers was making aircraft toilet seats in a Los Angeles factory when he wrote the song ‟Ain’t No Sunshine.” When the song went gold, the record company presented Withers with a golden toilet seat.

I have something most billionaires will never have—enough.

Bad jokes department

A man in an interrogation room said, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”

Cop: “You are a lawyer.”

Lawyer: “So where is my present?”

—————

A genie asked me, “What’s your first wish?”

I answered, “I wish I were rich!”

The genie said, “OK. What’s your second wish, Rich?”

—————

Overheard in the bakery: “Do you have sticky buns?”

“Yes.”

“Well, then, don’t sit down.”

—————

“Name a country without the letter R in it.”

“No way!”

Nature notes

American white pelicans glided overhead on 9-foot-wingspans. In my yard, common grackles were everywhere. Despite that, they’re becoming less common, with a cumulative population decline of 54% from 1966 to 2014. In Minnesota, the decline averaged 2.03% per year since 1967. Since 1966, when the Breeding Bird Survey began monitoring, the house sparrow has experienced a decrease of 3.61% per year. In Minnesota, the decline has been 4.08% annually. House sparrow declines have resulted from intensive agriculture. The increasing use of pesticides reduces insect populations, which lowers food availability for nestlings, and efficient farming practices limit the availability of waste grain.

I kept baby geese on the porch. What kind of geese were they? They were porch-a-geese.

The bumblebee was indecisive on a lovely May day. It landed on one flower briefly and then moved to another. It was a May bee maybee.

Birds can be appetites with wings. Having milo (sorghum), which resembles BBs, in a birdseed mix is like having banana chips in a trail mix. I don’t want banana chips in my trail mix, and few birds want milo in their trail mix.

Meeting adjourned

“You can love completely without complete understanding.”— Norman MacLean, “A River Runs Through It and Other Stories.” Thanks to Dave and Deb Manning of St James for sharing this. Be kind.