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Echoes From the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

I’m reading the entire dictionary.

Wow! How’s that going?

I’m up to something. It’s in the S section.

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. When I was a boy, the only sea I’d ever seen was the “We’ll Sea.”  Like many families, mine lived the slogan, “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without,” but we had an addendum. If I asked for something I didn’t need in a store, but thought I had to have, my mother put a stop to my request with a “We’ll Sea.”

I’d ridden in an ambulance years before. I played a fellow on a gurney in a film. I’ve also portrayed a dead guy in the back of a hearse. My recent ambulance ride had a lot more gravity. I talked to an attendant during the ride. Nice fellow. I knew his family. He apologized for every bump in the road.

My mother’s friend mailed in a sweepstakes entry for every Publishers Clearing House magazine subscription offer she received in her mailbox. Each mailing had a photo of a winner receiving a gigantic check, balloons and flowers. I knew if she won, she wouldn’t be able to cash that check because it was too big to get through the bank’s door.

We’d won another sweepstakes. We had five puppies. I named them. The last one was called Blackie. There was no black on the little, all-brown dog. I couldn’t call it Brownie because I’d already named another brown pup that. I had a terrific imagination.

I bought assortments of many breeds of chicks from Murray McMurray Hatchery in Webster City, Iowa. Why? Because they went cheep. As a small boy, I found something that was cheap in a small store/cafe. It was chewing gum. Mother asked where I’d gotten the gum. I’d found it stuck under a table. It was ABC gum (Already Been Chewed). The brand was Black Jack chewing gum, supposedly the first gum distributed in sticks. It had a black licorice flavor, rounded out by anise and ginger. ABC gum! Was I goofy? I like to think I was adventurous.

I’ve learned

The best tree for woodworking is carpentree.

A friend attained a degree in forestry because he needed to take only tree classes.

I’m a conscientious parker. I park between the lines in an empty parking lot.

I do little online shopping because I’d miss using a shopping cart with a wobbly wheel.

I wish all billboards were replaced with newspaper ads.

Shouldn’t napkins be lapkins?

Bad jokes department

My wife called me last night and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving your dinner to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes. I’d hate for anything to happen to my dog.

A man knocked on my door today, asking for donations for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

My grandmother’s desserts always bring down the house. The roof is in the pudding.

Nature notes

“Is the bigger eagle I’m seeing a golden or a bald?” The two species are about the same size, with the females being larger. The legs of golden eagles are feathered to the foot; the bald eagle has featherless, yellow ankles. Goldens frequent forested and grassland landscapes, often away from lakes, rivers and coastlines. Bald eagles prefer open, fish-filled waters. Both species are fond of carrion. Juvenile bald eagles are larger than adults due to their longer wing and tail feathers.

“How can I stop a robin fighting with my window?” After choosing a nest site, a pair of robins claim the area as their own and defend it from other birds of their kind. When a male spots another male, a chasing fight ensues. The dominant male gets a mate, the nesting location, the territory and the area’s food. A window acts as a mirror. A robin is territorial and instinctively attacks rivals in its breeding territory, making an enemy of its image. A real robin would flee, but the reflection remains. Being persistent and stubborn, the robin continues the attack. To stop the robin’s assault, block its image. Put a piece of cardboard, black nylon screen, painter’s cloth or plastic cling on the outside of the window where the bird is attacking. Soaping the window works. This may cause Martha Stewart to shudder, but, in most cases, you’ll need it only until the shadowboxing robin thinks its worthy adversary has departed. Covering the inside of the window enhances the reflection. Plastic owls and fake snakes are ignored.

Meeting adjourned

Robert Ingersoll said, “We rise by lifting others.” A kind word could do that.