Annie Lane: He’s a toad

Published 6:30 am Wednesday, April 21, 2021

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Dear Annie: I have never written anything like this before, but I’m beside myself with anger and sadness. My boyfriend of 16 years is leaving me because his two grown children from his marriage do not like me and are refusing to let him see his five grandchildren.

The story goes like this: When we first got together, we were both cheaters. We knew that what we were doing was wrong. Since then, I have never cheated on him.

His wife told their children about his cheating.

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We have been living together for the last 2 1/2 years. We were supposed to buy a house together, but then his wife and kids came up with this new plan. My mom had passed away, and he was getting what he wanted — a place in the country where we could live together. He wanted me to put him down as half-owner of the house, but I told him I would only do that after he got a divorce, because if anything were to ever happen to him, I wouldn’t pay his wife half of anything that was mine.

He said she wouldn’t do that. I told him she would; she had already thrown him under the bus. He wound up buying a house that she found for him. I’m not supposed to know where he lives or even see the place.

He always said that I would be the one who left him, yet he’s leaving me in the dust. I feel abandoned and alone. I gave him everything. I got him to go to the best doctors and showed him how to do many things. I did not tell him what to do, yet he’s still on a joint phone plan with her. He won’t tell me he loves me, because he said he’s leaving and it’s just not right, but we sleep together and make love. If I ask him whether he loves me, he says yes, but he just won’t say it when I need to hear it the most.

I’m so beside myself. I made my life for him and changed everything for him, and now I’m alone and heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. I found the one who has my whole heart and soul.

— Crying Myself to Sleep

Dear Crying Myself to Sleep: The “one” who has your whole heart and soul would not cheat on his wife with you and continually drag you along. He is trying to have his cake and eat it, too, and he is quite the pig. Stop sleeping with him immediately and tell him it is over. Reach out to family and friends for support while you recover and get over him (and you will; it just might take a little time). Once you find your true prince charming, you will be thrilled that you kicked the toad out of your life.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to