By Gema Alvarado-Guerrero

Parenting Resource Center Executive Director

Question: I find myself angry and yelling at my kids more often that I’d liked to admit. What can I do?

Answer: The first thing to note is that everyone can get angry, and that’s okay. Feelings matter and should be validated, however, the behavior that can accompany those feelings can be hurtful, such as yelling at our kids when we are angry.

I often times compare anger to an iceberg: you only see the tip of the iceberg, but there is more to the iceberg beneath the surface. This is because anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that, before we experience anger, we experience another emotion first. If that first emotion is not handled, then that feeling can turn to anger, and that is what we may show and feel.

For example, you may tell your child to start getting dressed for school, with no response. Finally, after the third reminder, you start to feel aggravated and yell “How many times do I have to ask you to get dressed for school?” What did you feel before you raised your voice? Frustration- that is your first emotion.

The upcoming New Year presents an opportune time to become intentional about our emotions as parents. Begin to ask yourself what can be done differently the next day to improve your emotional muscle. Or, throughout the day, ask yourself “What is the next best thing to do?” Sometimes, the next best thing to do is think about how to respond to a situation. Remember, parenting is the most important job that we will ever hold, but it is also the job which we may have little to no training in. The problems we may encounter with our children will most likely be reoccurring, which gives us another opportunity to handle a situation in a different way if we feel that we didn’t handle the previous situation in the way we would have liked.
Gema Alvarado-Guerrero is the Executive Director of the Parenting Resource Center in Austin. If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about family challenges, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 877-434-9528.  For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.