Eric Weerts

Monday’s with the Mortician

The Christmas season is upon us. It is a joyous time for most, spending time with family and friends at holiday parties. However, for some, it is a time of grieving.

It can seem impossible to get through the holidays after losing someone you love. Whether the loss occurred during the holiday season or this is the first Christmas without your loved one, coping with a loss this time of year is very challenging.

According to Dr. Rabbi Earl Grollman, a certified death educator and counselor, there are essentially four levels of grief that every bereaved individual experiences; shock, suffering, recovery, and a new life. I wanted to take this opportunity to share with you excerpts discussing the last two levels of grief.

Recovery: Express your Feelings

There are those who will say to you, “be strong,” “be brave,” “don’t heed them.” At this moment there is no virtue in self-control. It is impossible to handle rationally your heavy emotional burdens. The brave ones with the stiff upper lip may be headed for trouble. Crying is a means by which you work your way out of the depths of despair. Of course your weeping will not bring back your loved one. But that’s why you cry. You cannot bring your beloved back to life. Tears are not evidence of weakness. When the members of a family, both male and female, cry together, they are sharing the inexpressible pain of separation. So express your feeling of grief, allow yourself to show your grief.

The New Life: Take Your Time

Life is not fair. You must find a way to live with an unfair life, to live without the one you love. How to Begin? Maybe with a complete new start somewhere that will take you away from painful memories, so why not sell your house? Move to another city? Really start anew? Wait!! Your judgment is uncertain now. Getting used to a new life takes time and thought. Too many people have suddenly left their familiar settings only to find even greater confusion and uncertainty. Postpone major decisions if you can. Walk. Don’t run.

These segments are especially applicable during the holiday season because they are honest. After losing a loved one every day is difficult, and the important days are more difficult. But as Grollman says, it’s okay to weep, to cry. It’s okay to not be okay during the holidays, because chances are, you’re not alone. It is only through allowing yourself to grieve and taking your time to sort through and fully process the loss that you will fully heal; even if that means grieving during Christmas.