QUESTION: What’s the best way to prepare my 3- year old for the arrival of a baby in our family?

ANSWER: It’s important to tell children about the upcoming arrival of a baby before they have a chance to overhear the news from friends or relatives.

Remember that young children hear us talking with others, even when we are in another room or having conversations on the telephone. Without fanfare, simply say in a pleasant tone, “We are going to have a new baby in the family.”

If a child feels comfortable and secure in your love, it is less likely that there will be a lot of jealousy towards a new sibling.

Still, change brings mixed feelings. It is helpful to say something like, “Sometimes the baby will be fine; other times the baby will cry and need a lot of watching. At times you may feel left out and jealous. If you feel this way, come and tell me. I’ll give you extra loving so you’ll feel good again.”

It’s also valuable to remind your child that all our hearts are able to make plenty of room to love everyone in a growing family. Here are some steps that can minimize difficulties because of a new baby:

•Make any needed changes in your older child’s routine well before the new baby arrives. If you must take your older child out of the crib, treat the change like a promotion, not a displacement.

•Keep your older child home in familiar surroundings during the birth time. If possible, don’t send your older child away to relatives. The very best is if another important family member, dad or grandma, can take time to be home.

•Before you leave for the hospital, say good-bye to your older child, and talk about when you will return. Arrange for a hospital room visit after the birth. Allow for a close-up look of the new baby. Keep in touch with your older child by frequent phone calls.

After the newcomer arrives, your older child needs to have the important adults in his life to himself at times. Schedule times alone together.

Allow your older child to help with the routines of the baby’s care so that she feels like it is her baby also.

Help your older child be prepared to share the newest special story about the baby with visitors, so that he naturally receives some focused attention.

If you would like to talk about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent Warm Line at 1-888-584-2204/Linea de Apoyo at 1-877-434-9528. For free emergency childcare, call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org and the Positive Parenting DVD at the PRC Specialty Library (105 First Street S.E., Austin)