Steps to stay on your parenting track

Published 8:44 pm Saturday, January 25, 2014

QUESTION: I get so discouraged when I struggle to remember to use parenting skills I know are important for the well-being of my kids. How do I really change my parenting style?

ANSWER: Experiencing setbacks doesn’t mean failure; it just means that we are in the process of change.

Here are some things to remember when change seems challenging:

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•Take it slow. The most successful parents experiment with one new skill at a time.

•Focus more on your own behavior than the behavior of your children. For instance, we cannot make our kids behave respectfully. We can control whether we say, “I’ll be happy to do the extra things I do for you when I feel respected.”

•Don’t be surprised if your children are initially upset when you respond differently than expected. When we change, even for the better, it typically leaves others a bit off balance. Their natural human tendency will be to get you back to your old, familiar way by complaining, arguing or acting out. Don’t “retreat” to old patterns; your children will adapt to your lead.

•Don’t look back. Unsuccessful people focus on trying to stop doing what they’ve done in the past. Successful ones focus on doing what they want to do in the future. For example, instead of saying to yourself, “I’m not going to get angry anymore,” decide that when you are upset, you are going to say, “I make better decisions when I’m calm. We’ll talk later.”

We only fail when we give up. One of the most important things we can model for our children is perseverance.

If you would like to talk about the challenges of raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 877-434-9528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org