QUESTION: I’m facing a separation from my children. Are there ways to reassure my children that they will always be important to me and close to my heart, even when I’m away from them?

ANSWER: Separations are really difficult. Parents and children may have to be separated for a variety of reasons; perhaps it’s because of military deployment, or divorce, or illness or a business schedule that requires a lot of travel.

It’s important to share with your children that when you have to be away from them for an extended period of time, you miss them and you know that they miss you. This is true for grandparents and grandchildren, too. The question to ask is “What can we do to help each other feel better?”

Here are some ideas that may be helpful:

•If at all possible, help your children understand where you are going. Use a map or globe if there is distance involved. Describe the location in words. Find pictures or share pictures you’ve taken.

•Swap special personal items, something your child chooses that she knows will make you think of her and something you choose that your child knows has some significant value to you. These items will be returned to each other the next time you are together.

•Print photos of you with your children on pillowcases and T-shirts for all of you.

•Make a photo collage of shared parent-child moments and hang it where your children will see it often.

•Make an audio recording of yourself reading one of your children’s favorite stories, so that your children can have your voice on tape.

•Have someone help you make a video of you and your children having fun together anywhere.

•Get a calendar and mark the day you will return; find stickers together that can be used to “fill the days” until you’re together again.

•Let your children custom-design some white envelopes with their own colorful creativity; use the envelopes to send them notes about what you’re doing while you’re away.

•You might consider leaving a certain amount of money in an envelope for a family meal at a fast food restaurant or pizza on a pre-determined night of the week — a special gift from you.

•An “age-old tradition” is agreeing to look at the moon each night, wherever you are, knowing that each of you loves the other.

 

If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 877-434-9528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org