No baloney in Mom’s love
Echoes from the loafers’ club meeting:
“Do you know who I really like?”
“People who imitate owls.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce —who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: If all else fails, stop using all else.
Memories of Mother
Mothers are great. Who else would love that macaroni folk art we brought home from school?
A mother gives us so much more than a belly button and her maiden name to use as the answer to a password question. She watches us as we move along from calling her Mommy to Mom to Mother. She passes along bits of wisdom such as, “Nothing is truly lost until you quit looking for it.”
One year, I was in my usual penniless predicament and moaned to my father that I didn’t have enough money to get Mom what I wanted to give her. My father told me that she’d like something I made myself.
I made her a baloney sandwich.
She cried when I gave it to her.
Moms are like that.
Small Town Incident 473
We watched the driver make an illegal u-turn in the middle of the street and park in front of a fire hydrant.
A friend, from a large city, remarked, “On top of all that, he’s parked six feet from the curb.”
I replied, “That’s the way he parks. You should be here in July and August. Then he drives only in the shade.”
A Hairy Situation
I’ve reached the age where I get estimates from the barber. It’s not like in those longhaired younger days. Now I have hair growing from more places. There are eyebrows that grow as if fertilized. There is an occasional hair sprouting from an ear. A forest of hairs grows in my nose.
One day, I was sitting in my car, waiting for the clock to tell me it was time to enter a hotel where I was to speak. I glanced into the car’s rearview mirror to make sure that my ears were on straight. I noticed a profusion of hairs in my nose. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a tiny Swiss Army knife equipped with a scissors. I tilted the mirror to my viewing advantage and began to clip nose hairs. Those of you who have done such a thing know that the face made while doing this procedure isn’t the most attractive of countenances. While mowing away, I got that feeling that I was being watched. I looked to the left side of my car. Nothing. Then I peeked to the right. There was a woman and three children in a parked car. They were watching me intensely, their faces pressed to the windows. I smiled and waved. They laughed. I felt like a sitcom.
Ken McCullough of Winona once lived in Montana. The movie The Missouri Breaks was filmed in Billings. It was a western starring Marlon Brando and Jack Nicholson. Randy Quaid’s character in the film uttered the line, “I don’t know why they had to put Canada all the way up here.” The movie folks advertised for extras with missing limbs or teeth. Ken was missing no limbs or teeth and was not willing to sacrifice any limbs or teeth. However, he didn’t want to miss a chance to be in a movie. So Ken showed up for auditions —repeatedly. He was in The Missouri Breaks, proving once again that a great part of success is just showing up.