I wouldn’t want to make a mistake

Published 6:20 am Thursday, May 6, 2010

A professional golfer e-mailed me the other day.

He said he had made a few mistakes, and he wanted my advice.

He sent along pictures of 14 women he met while on the road at golf tournaments and away from his wife.

I looked them over one by one.

It was clear the golfer needed the wisdom of a senior citizen such as I. Someone wise to the traps set by women.

I e-mailed him my response, willing to share my advice.

I told him, no matter how beautiful the woman is, no matter how sexy she is, no matter how seductive she is and by the time I got to the 10th picture I forgot what I was talking about and quit.

Mistakes? I’ve made my share. Haven’t we all?

Just last week I got fired from a part-time job at a local dry cleaners. Because the boss knew I was a retired newspaper reporter, he asked me to write a new advertising slogan for his establishment and post it in the front window.

Obviously, I wasn’t thinking straight, when I wrote a big sign reading: “Men! Drop your trousers here for the best results.”

A friend of mine from Taopi paid me to write a classified ad for him to help correct a possible mistake he had made. So I wrote: “Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes, excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.”

Even smart people make mistakes.

It’s a fact: Mistakes happen.

Sometimes, mistakes are innocent acts.

Three old guys were sitting in a booth at Donut Connection. It was beer-thirty, and I stopped there. Lefty’s was too far away.

After a couple of decafs, the conservation turned loud in their booth.

First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”

Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”

Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer at Lefty’s.”

Talk about mistakes. Each one had made one.

The other day I got up early at Pickett Place. I wanted to go downstairs and get a seat to wait for the mail. If you wait too long – 10 a.m.– all the seats are taken. A man was sitting there and told me, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4,000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” I answered him, “What kind is it?’”

“’Twelve thirty.”

Another mistake.

Politicians make them. Voters too. Celebrities, sports stars, Wall Street bankers and average Joes and Josies. You name it. Mistakes and the people who make them are everywhere and you can’t avoid them.

I really think they ought to pull that commercial on TV. It’s a mistake in judgment. You know the one, where the doctor says, “Four out of five people suffer from diarrhea.”

Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

Haunting to think about.

There used to be a ball cap with the words “Mistakes happen.” They used a 4-letter word in place of “mistakes.”

I believe this to be true. Sometimes you can make a mistake when you think you’re doing something right.

For instance, the bad jokes in this column.

That golfer has made his, too.

He needs help, and it’s obviously a job for a man in this case.

Women would only see it from a prejudiced point of view.

Now, where did I put those 14 pictures the golfer sent me? I think they deserve one more look-over before I tell him what I think.

Maybe two or three just to be sure.

Wouldn’t want to make a mistake.