There’s nothing like humor for Lent

Published 6:22 am Thursday, March 11, 2010

You can run but you can’t hide from jokesters, those people who can’t resist passing along the joke they have recently heard.

Last Sunday, I heard these two in church: A little boy was failing miserably in math at his public school, so his parents transferred him to a Catholic school. At the end of his first week at the Catholic school, the boy came home and showed his parents perfect scores in every math class he took. “That’s amazing,” observed his mother, “how did you accomplish this? You failed math in your public school and now you are doing so much better.” “They take math a lot more serious in the Catholic school, mom,” the little boy said. “In every classroom I go, they’ve got a picture of a man who failed math. He’s tied up and nailed to a plus sign.”

And this knee-slapper:

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A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, ‘If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river. With even greater emphasis he said, ‘And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.’ And then finally, he said, ‘And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.’ He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, ‘For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:’Shall We Gather at the River.’

Nothing like a little Lenten season humor to get your attention.

Just arriving at the J & H Train Shop, is this thought provoker:

Remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

The wise guys who follow these things, who loosen up over donuts and coffee, say newly elected Mower County Commissioner, Mike Ankeny, could solve the county’s revenue shortfall by running the County Jail and Justice center the way he does his successful convenience store empire.

There could be ankle bracelet vending machines outside courtrooms and two-for-one specials for repeat offenders. Think about it Mike.

One retired peace officer suggests the geniuses in city government are determined not to let the same thing happen to the next Austin police chief that happened to the last.

As citizens will remember, Paul Philipp after a spotless 31-year career in law enforcement and after a complaint was filed against him. Because he retired, the complaint could not be investigated, leaving everyone to wonder, “what were they thinking?”

According to my source, the city will now require all complaints against police chiefs to be filed before they are hired.

And finally, if you’re like me, a good blonde joke goes a long way toward healing life’s woes.

So, from a blonde haired person, here goes:

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin.

As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are…very slowly?”

The blonde leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiing.”