ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

“I spent all morning looking for my car keys.”

“Did you find them?”

“Yes, but by the time I finally found them, I’d forgotten where I was going.”

DRIVING BY THE BRUCES

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: If a clear day is called “sunny,” why isn’t a clear night called “moony.”

ROAD RAGE

I read often in the newspapers about road rage. I blame the Jetsons. You  remember the Jetsons — a TV cartoon about the Jetson family. It took place in 2062 and concerned George Jetson, his wife Jane, his children (Judy and Elroy), his dog Astro, and his job at Spacely Sprockets. In the series, George and others traveled about in flying cars.

Everyone who grew up watching “The Jetsons” naturally assumed that he or she would be driving a flying car.

Take a quick peek out your window. How many flying cars do you see? None. Nada. Zero. There aren’t any.

People are ticked because they have wheels on the ground. They want their flying cars. That’s what causes road rage. Blame the Jetsons.

EDUCATIONAL TV

“The Jetsons” was another example of educational TV programming. We learned a lot by watching TV. I learned that there was no point in having any attorney other than Perry Mason, that Marcus Welby needed to hire someone to file his insurance forms, and that you never messed with Marshal Dillon when he’d been drinking.

FROM THOSE THRILLING DAYS OF YESTERYEAR

Kids rode on the fenders of tractors. It wasn’t the safest place, but it was cool. Especially when the tractor was in road gear. No air conditioning could ever replace the cooling breeze that came with speeding down the road on a cab-free tractor.

FROM THE FAMILY TREE

My granddaughter Joey had this to say about her 2-year-old sister, Hadley, “She can count up to ten, except for a couple of numbers.”

A MARRIED MAN

We arrived home after a long day. My lovely bride dropped onto her favorite chair of relaxation with an, “Uffda! I’m exhausted.”

I looked her direction and said, “I gave three talks today. Why are you so tired?”

Gail replied, “I had to listen to all of them.”

DID YOU KNOW?

According to a study published in The New England Journal of Medicine in 2000 that followed a diverse group of 200 adults, researchers found that from early October to late February the subjects gained an average of 1.05 pounds with 75 percent of that gain occurring from Thanksgiving to January 1.

Recent research conducted at the Baylor College of Medicine found that children who chew gum make better grades than nonchewers. The project was funded by the Wrigley Science Institute.

Samuel Johnson, creator of the “Dictionary of the English Language,” was known to drink 20 cups of tea at a sitting and proudly claimed to drink 40 cups of tea each day.

KILLDEER

I was walking along a seldom-used driveway when a bird pretending to have a broken wing limped along with me in an attempt to lure me away from its nest.

It was a shorebird that I see without having to go to the beach — a killdeer. Killdeer are graceful plovers that are common to drives, golf courses, construction sites, athletic fields, sewage ponds, and parking lots. The bird gets its name from its shrill “killdeer” call. Its vociferousness earned it the nicknames “chattering plover” and “noisy plover.”

The bird obviously had a nest nearby. Its nest is a shallow depression scratched into the bare ground. The killdeer’s broken-wing act is meant to lead predators away from a nest. This killdeer had another concern. It needed to keep cows or horses from stepping on the eggs. The killdeer uses a different approach with these large, hoofed animals. The killdeer fluffs itself up, raises its tail above its head, and runs at the mammal. A killdeer has a double breast band that distinguishes an adult killdeer from other plovers. Juvenile killdeer have only one breast band

I saw a survey that found that the broken-wing act of the killdeer distracted predators 1,012 times out of 1,017. Quarterbacks should try it.

TALKING TO THE

HOLSTEIN

I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. I told the Holstein that everyone seems to be worried about being unable to remember things. I asked her if she had any tips that might enhance someone’s memory.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said, “Become a creditor. Creditors have much better memories than do debtors.”

MEETING ADJOURNED

Charles Kuralt wrote, “The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines.” Be kind.