It’s not really that cold, is it?

Published 10:08 am Thursday, January 22, 2009

There are wiseguys out there who think they know it all.

For instance, one wiseguy described cold weather behavior this way:

60 above zero:

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Floridians turn on the heat.

Minnesotans plant gardens.

50 above zero:

Californians shiver


People are sunbathing

in Duluth.

40 above zero:

Import cars won’t start.

Minnesotans drive with the

sunroof open.

32 above zero:

Distilled water freezes.

The water in Bemidji gets


20 above zero:

Arizonans don long johns,

parkas and wool hats and


Minnesotans throw on a

flannel shirt.

15 above zero:

New York landlords finally

turn on the heat. People in

Minnesota have one last

cookout before it gets cold.


People in Miami all die.

Minnesotans close the


10 below zero:

Californians fly away to


Minnesotans dig their winter

coats out of storage.

25 below zero:

Hollywood disintegrates.

Girl Scouts in Minnesota still

selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:

Washington , D.C. finally runs

out of hot air.

People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:

Santa Claus abandons the

North Pole.

Minnesotans get upset because the mini-van won’t start.

460 below zero:

All atomic motion stops.

People in Minnesota can be

heard to say, “Cold ‘nuff fer


500 below zero:

Hell freezes over.

Minnesota public schools open

two hours late.

Another wiseguy says Bernie Madoff got his investment scheme idea from the Social Security system: Pay early investors with money from late investors.

Another wiseguy turned out to be a wise man:

He wrote: They travel miles in the heat. They risk their lives crossing a border. They don’t get paid enough wages.

They do jobs that others won’t do or are afraid to do. They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language.

They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day, every day.

“No, I’m not talking about illegal immigrants,” he said. “I’m talking about our troops.”   “Doesn’t it seem strange that many Democrats and Republicans are willing to lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegals, but don’t support our troops, and are even threatening to defund them?”

Tell it to President Obama I say.

A wiseguy and his wife from Kenyon offered this to consider:

Since we now have a new President some political humor might be in store.

The following is a funny and true story occurring in an Advanced Placement

Government class at Santa Fe High School.

In one civics class, the young adults were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States. It is pretty simple.

The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair the requirement to be a natural born citizen is. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone’s jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating …

“What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?”