Echoes from the Loafers Club meeting

“Last year, I gave my sister a pendant watch for Christmas. She didn’t really need that.”

“What did she give you?”

“She gave me a hideous necktie and a nose hair trimmer. This year, we decided we would give each other something that we really need. I got her a garage door opener.”

“What did she give you?”

“A nose hair trimmer.”

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: The days until Christmas are closer than they appear.

Christmas thoughts

From the friendly confines of a supermarket, I watched shoppers scurrying in from the cold. The icy wind made the going easy in one direction and difficult in the other. Shopping is like a chore — better enjoyed if treated like an adventure.

As I watched shopping carts filled with food go by, I thought of my neighbor Crandall’s diet plan that he embarks on each Christmas. He believes that he can eat as much as he wants of anything as long as he eats nothing with sprinkles on it and then stands close to the fattest man he can find in order to make himself appear thin in comparison.

Ringing the bells

I ring the bells for the Salvation Army each year. I am amazed by the generosity of the good folks who inhabit this part of the world. Tom Brokaw said,”It is easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.”

I watched a young mother scrounge to find coins for her three children to drop into the kettle. The youngsters waited politely before putting money in. They smiled the smile of someone who has done a good thing.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge wrote,”What comes from the heart, goes to the heart.”

I thanked them for their generosity. Theirs was a true gift to all of us—the gift of human kindness.

For everything else there is MasterCard.

We made do

My father used his well-worn Barlow jackknife to cut the tape from a gift. He would gently fold the wrapping paper and hand it to my mother. She would save it.

I’ve been reading

This from The Dorset Echo:”Disgruntled customers at a Christmas theme park in Dorset, England, angry about long lines and poor-quality attractions, beat up three elves in a gingerbread house, and Father Christmas was punched in his grotto.”

It’s not really a

Christmas song

It’s not a Christmas song, but it puts me in the Christmas spirit. It goes like this,”Our Uncle Walter’s not right in the head. He’s been that way all his life, my mother said. It’s not that he’s violent or falls down the stairs. It’s just he goes waltzing, waltzing with bears.”

I hope that you are waltzing with the bears of your dreams.

From those thrilling days of yesteryear

I looked at the gaily wrapped gifts under the tree and whined,”I wish Christmas Day was here.”

My mother smiled and said,”Don’t wish your life away.”

She was right. The days go by much too quickly without wishing them a faster speed.

A Christmas wish

A customer of this column wrote me,”When doves are plentiful in a yard, it is a sign of a peaceful home.” I wish each of you a dove-filled yard.

Things to remember at Christmas

The real Christmas message is not”batteries not included.”

Getting a billfold can be a cruel gift—especially when Christmas shopping has left nothing to put into it.

We all have that weird relative who shows up at Christmas. I don’t think that a weird relative knows that he or she is weird. So if you don’t think you are weird, you are probably the weird relative.

Ringing the bells

I was ringing the bells for the Salvation Army.

A woman gave in abundance. As I thanked her for her generosity to the kettle, she said that she gave money to any bell ringer who said,”Merry Christmas.”

I love ringing the bells. I figure that no matter what dumb stuff I do the rest of the year, at least I rang the bells.

Christmas thoughts

I hope that your home will be filled with good folks, good thoughts and good deeds. May you always be young enough to have a future and old enough to have a past. I wish you enough. Dress warm.

Talking to the Holstein

I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. I wished we could preserve Christmas and open a jar of it every month.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said,”Every time we give, it’s Christmas.”

Meeting adjourned

The word”mankind” both identifies and instructs us.